the entryway

this is the entryway into our home. there is so much that i could write about this "room" in our home. each piece (with the exception of the lamp) is of value to me personally and has a really cool story or piece of history behind it. but as is the case with many things, the outward appearance isn't the same as the inward appearance.

back in november, my mother-in-law was coming to stay with the girls while scott and i went to check out california. in preparation for her visit, i took a little pile of papers that i had next to my computer and hid it in one of the drawers in the front entry. good idea, right? well, if you've been reading along for a while you know that almost as soon as we came home from calli, my mother was hit by a car causing a change in plans for the months to follow. shortly after that, we put our house on the market, forcing me to clean out a bunch of other contaminated areas of our home. as you can guess, cleaning out the drawer was pushed to the bottom of the list.

since our home has been on the market for the past 60 days (not that i have been counting or anything), and since we've had 40 showings or so (again- not counting), i have had a few incidence where i have needed to stash my current pile of "to do" paperwork. and so into the drawer it goes.

today, that ever so pesky nesting instinct kicked into high gear. i don't have a nursery to plan or organize, or a home to clean (because it has to be cleaned almost daily anyway), or the space to take out some kind of cool crafty project to work on (ie. sewing, card making...), so i was forced to be resourceful in where to channel this unexplainable pregnancy induced frenzy to organize stuff. i had nowhere left to turn but the drawer (well, really now it has become plural, drawers).

and man, do those drawer conceal some dirty little secrets. some of the stuff i unearthed were harmless- a flier advertising a sale i hadn't wanted to miss, some birthday cards i received and had set aside to save in my memento box, some coupons for some things that i had meant to pick up at costco etc. but as i kept sifting, i found some things that reveal some of my biggest flaws.

two unsent thank-you notes for gifts sent to d when she was born (i'll let you do the math in how overdue these cards are). one of the cards was totally written signed and placed in an addressed envelope, the other started but never finished. can you say disgraceful?

then i found a birthday card purchased for my grandmother, another for my friend steph and an un-mailed dedication announcement for d's dedication. i mean really! i took the time to go to the store and or make the card, but couldn't get it into the mail???? what in blazes is wrong with me?

lastly, i found two bags of glorious tulip bulbs. i bought 'em. i meant to plant 'em. i just never got around to it. it is evidence of potential totally squashed by good intentions. those beautiful little bulbs could be brightening my garden as we speak, but they never were given a chance.

and as i sifted through this drawer, i thought of life. i think many of us are guilty of living like this more often than we care to admit. we put together the pretty little package (the tidy entryway that makes my home look organized suggesting that "i have it all together"). i do it with my physical appearance, too. i leave the house with my hair properly coiffed, my make-up properly applied, wearing some trendy little outfit.

but really, it's what's on the inside that counts.

do you try to make it look like you have it all together and present an image of perfection?

i admit, i've spent a lot of time in my life being guilty as charged. but do you know what else, i've also been greatly impacted and found great freedom in revealing the truth to people to. it is terribly liberating to set the image aside and let those around us see us flaws and all. i wish i did it more often and that i didn't rush back into the trap of the image.

i'd also like to mention that my friend jesus, he knows the whole truth. He knows about those "cluttered closets" in our hearts, you know, the places where we hide some of the less than desirable traits that we possess, and He loves us in spite of them. and do you know what else, when we ask Him to "do life with us" and come into our hearts, he has the ability to transform those dark places that we keep hidden and clean them up. wow, am i thankful for that!