the entryway

this is the entryway into our home. there is so much that i could write about this "room" in our home. each piece (with the exception of the lamp) is of value to me personally and has a really cool story or piece of history behind it. but as is the case with many things, the outward appearance isn't the same as the inward appearance.

back in november, my mother-in-law was coming to stay with the girls while scott and i went to check out california. in preparation for her visit, i took a little pile of papers that i had next to my computer and hid it in one of the drawers in the front entry. good idea, right? well, if you've been reading along for a while you know that almost as soon as we came home from calli, my mother was hit by a car causing a change in plans for the months to follow. shortly after that, we put our house on the market, forcing me to clean out a bunch of other contaminated areas of our home. as you can guess, cleaning out the drawer was pushed to the bottom of the list.

since our home has been on the market for the past 60 days (not that i have been counting or anything), and since we've had 40 showings or so (again- not counting), i have had a few incidence where i have needed to stash my current pile of "to do" paperwork. and so into the drawer it goes.

today, that ever so pesky nesting instinct kicked into high gear. i don't have a nursery to plan or organize, or a home to clean (because it has to be cleaned almost daily anyway), or the space to take out some kind of cool crafty project to work on (ie. sewing, card making...), so i was forced to be resourceful in where to channel this unexplainable pregnancy induced frenzy to organize stuff. i had nowhere left to turn but the drawer (well, really now it has become plural, drawers).

and man, do those drawer conceal some dirty little secrets. some of the stuff i unearthed were harmless- a flier advertising a sale i hadn't wanted to miss, some birthday cards i received and had set aside to save in my memento box, some coupons for some things that i had meant to pick up at costco etc. but as i kept sifting, i found some things that reveal some of my biggest flaws.

two unsent thank-you notes for gifts sent to d when she was born (i'll let you do the math in how overdue these cards are). one of the cards was totally written signed and placed in an addressed envelope, the other started but never finished. can you say disgraceful?

then i found a birthday card purchased for my grandmother, another for my friend steph and an un-mailed dedication announcement for d's dedication. i mean really! i took the time to go to the store and or make the card, but couldn't get it into the mail???? what in blazes is wrong with me?

lastly, i found two bags of glorious tulip bulbs. i bought 'em. i meant to plant 'em. i just never got around to it. it is evidence of potential totally squashed by good intentions. those beautiful little bulbs could be brightening my garden as we speak, but they never were given a chance.

and as i sifted through this drawer, i thought of life. i think many of us are guilty of living like this more often than we care to admit. we put together the pretty little package (the tidy entryway that makes my home look organized suggesting that "i have it all together"). i do it with my physical appearance, too. i leave the house with my hair properly coiffed, my make-up properly applied, wearing some trendy little outfit.

but really, it's what's on the inside that counts.

do you try to make it look like you have it all together and present an image of perfection?

i admit, i've spent a lot of time in my life being guilty as charged. but do you know what else, i've also been greatly impacted and found great freedom in revealing the truth to people to. it is terribly liberating to set the image aside and let those around us see us flaws and all. i wish i did it more often and that i didn't rush back into the trap of the image.

i'd also like to mention that my friend jesus, he knows the whole truth. He knows about those "cluttered closets" in our hearts, you know, the places where we hide some of the less than desirable traits that we possess, and He loves us in spite of them. and do you know what else, when we ask Him to "do life with us" and come into our hearts, he has the ability to transform those dark places that we keep hidden and clean them up. wow, am i thankful for that!

shoo!

on monday, somewhere around 3:45pm, my girls became lunatics. it was temporary, but they were both certifiable until bedtime. (i know, mothers aren't supposed to say such things, but it is entirely true.) d was shoving fistfuls of sand into her mouth and was in full "berserker" mode. she was running around getting into everything. miss e, not wanting to miss out on the fun, decided to join in. she began to instigate her sister and break every rule in the house. i should mention that this came on the heels of their momma, getting a call from our realtor saying we have a showing tomorrow and the day after. it also came as i was deep in the throws of laundry and our entire toy shelf had been dumped on the floor- alright, so i may have been a little bit overtaxed.

anyways, after this momma began to declare order and put the girls to the task of cleaning and behaving, this little dude showed up at the back door again. i swear to you, he was taunting me! look close, he is the same sneaky squirrel from last week and he really wants in.

i'm not a violent person, but i may need a bb gun.

chicken anyone?

do you recall the "sound of silence" post? well, last week, i was making dinner for a different friend that just had a baby. this story has a very different ending.

d and e were playing (ok, so they were watching tv) in the family room and a very behind schedule momma was in and out the back doors to the grill. for some reason, being behind schedule was not really concerning me too much. my friend lives close and the delivery time of the meal was loose and early enough that i knew i had some wiggle room. i loaded up the grill with the fixings for rosemary grilled potatoes and bbq chicken. things were going along swimmingly and i felt certain that i would pull it off without a hitch.

and then there was a hitch.

d spotted a squirrel on the back porch at the same time that the squirrel spotted d. she was fascinated. as d squatted down to peer out the window at the squirrel the squirrel became brave and curious. he kept inching closer and closer to the window until he was literally at the glass. i had a few minutes left before the chicken needed to be flipped (based on the timer) so i grabbed my camera (which as you can imagine is never too far away). i snapped a little pic of miss d and the squirrel. a few more minutes passed, pictures were happily captured and i was ready to go back to the making of the dinner.

the squirrel had other plans. he would not leave. and the longer he stayed the more d screeched with delight. it would be appropriate for me to insert that i am deathly afraid of squirrels so what took place is entirely my own fault. anyways, i had to get out there and turn the chicken. so i tried to open the door a wee bit and then slam it shut, hoping that the slam would scare my little critter friend off and on his merry way. mission unsuccessful! ellie saw my panic and tried to encourage her terrified momma to just go out there, but fear took over and i froze. she had her hand on the door handle and was about to open it! d was howling "hoof, hoof" and momma went running for a broom.

momma returned moments later with a broom to ellie saying, "uh mom, i think we have a problem." (smoke was literally billowing out of the grill and the stench of burned chicken was beginning to fill the entire neighborhood... ok, maybe i don't really know that, but i'm assuming).

the squirrel, nowhere to be found.

and so with great shame, i showed up at my sweet friends house with a rotisserie chicken and some of my favorite sides, courtesy of whole foods. she was gracious and we laughed, but i would be lying if i didn't say my pride was a wee bit bruised. and i swear, when i returned home to clean off the blackened mess from my grill, that same squirrel sat up in the tree making little squirrel squeaks at me the entire time.

the sandbox

there is nothing earth shattering here, just a little footage of my d exploring the sandbox for the first time since last summer. i love how determined she was to fill the jar with sand and how delighted she was with the experience. i also love, in true second child fashion, how she kept a listening ear out for her sister who was playing in the yard. while she was totally fine with playing by herself, she had to keep checking on what big sister was up to... just to remain in "the know".

the sound of silence

i should have known better. i've experienced this moment before, but somehow i was distracted and the memory of it was not fresh enough in my mind. perhaps, i had tried to forget it.


the memory:

back in june of '06, a few months before ellie turned 2, i was happily in the kitchen making dinner for a friend of mine whom had just had a baby. i was going in and out to the grill and sweet 21 month old ellie was playing under foot, happily amusing herself. i distinctly remember pausing and thinking "this is the life"! i was thrilled with the entire scenario- the opportunity to cook a yummy dinner, the ability to gift someone with a hassle free dinner at a time when they needed it, a sweet happy babe, a sunny day... it was a complete package moment. i can remember looking at the clock thinking that i had to kick it into high gear in order to get the meal delivered in time. i began to hurry around packing up each of the dishes and placing them into the shopping bag. at this moment miss e began to wander a little bit out of the kitchen. i glanced at her to discover that she was examining the contents of my handbag. i glanced a little closer and all looked good. she was just taking everything out and then putting it back in.

cool... back to the finishing touches. i ran out to the grill to remove the grilled meat and returned to the kitchen to package it up. quickly, it dawned on me that it was TOO quiet. i turned around to look for e and didn't see her. i had that moment where i just knew trouble was around the corner.

sure enough, the bathroom door was closed and my makeup bag was outside the door.



1 tube of lipstick + curious toddler = crime scene

i knew in that moment that someday this would make me laugh. it wasn't going to be right now but something told me that in a few years i would look back and laugh at the lipstick smeared all over the bathroom and that it would make me smile as i remembered my sweet baby e.

today was that day. but it didn't happen quite the way i had imagined it would.

as i was hustling out the door to get to a 9am mops meeting, the phone rang. normally i would have let the machine get it, but something prompted me to look at the caller id. sure enough, it was an attorney handling some stuff dealing with my mom. i took the call. mid-call, i got that same eerie feeling that things in my house were just a wee bit too quiet.

miss d had found my secret stash of sharpie markers and had decorated her entire head and face. i didn't have time to take a picture as we had to get out the door and somehow a baby wipe managed to instantly remove all traces of ink. but it made me think back to my sweet ellie and go in hunt of those pictures.

just as i suspected, it made me smile as i reflected on the lipstick incidence and those first few years where it was just ellie and i.

supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

as a little girl, i remember my mother taking me into the city (syracuse, ny) to see various performances as they came through town. we went to the ballet, the symphony, plays and musicals. later, when we moved to winchester, we would often go to the local performing arts college's summer theatre. it was always such a divine experience for me. it was an opportunity to see beyond my own little sandbox and get a glimpse at the larger world. somehow, the music would transport me and i would imagine being part of a different era or living a life totally different than my own. it was magical.

i think that is how i came to fall in love with my husband. not knowing about my love for musicals, the poor starving law student took me to see les miserables for our second date. we arrived painfully early and had lots of time to get acquainted while waiting for the performance to begin. while sitting there, he reached into his pocket and withdrew a tweety bird pez dispenser, pulled back the top and offered me a pez. it was a "you had me at hello" moment! anyways, i digress. this year for valentine's day, scott suggested taking ellie to see a broadway in chicago performance of mary poppins. he even gave up the a blackhawks v. redwings game to do so! i was over the moon for the opportunity to see miss e take in her first performance (and thrilled to see it myself).

and so last night, scott, ellie and a very excited momma went to the cadillac palace theatre. e has been spilling with questions for days, was delighted to get all glammed up, and beyond excited to leave d at home while she got to go on a date with momma and daddy. i am not sure she took one single breath the whole way there. she just kept asking questions and chatting away.

as we walked up to the theatre, her eyes were saucers and her smile went from ear to ear. she was carrying her little umbrella, pretending to be mary poppins, and bouncing all over the place. it was a moment i will play over in my mind for years to come.

this is e waiting in line to walk into the theatre entrance.

and here she is with her very wonderful daddy, inside the theatre.

she was adorable to watch. with each moment, she had those "new eyes" that was taking it all in for the very first time. she was enthralled with the beauty of the theatre itself, delighted with the search for the letter of our seat row, and sat in eager anticipation for the show to begin. when the lights dimmed, i thought she was going to pass out. her eyes were so huge and she was so happy. it was a sight to see.

personally, i had a difficult time choosing between watching e or watching the performance. both were wonderful! e loved each and every minute of it- and when mary poppins took to the sky, well miss e almost fell off her chair. and then burt does this dance number where he ends up literally walking up the wall and onto the ceiling, tap dancing all the while- truly a sight to see! to top it off, at the very end, mary flies up over the audience with her carpet bag and umbrella, right over your head. let's just say that it was a wonderful experience that i won't soon forget!

lincoln park zoo

if you live in the city of chicago, it can be very easy to take a trip to the zoo for granted. you see, in the middle of lincoln park (smack dab in the middle of chicago) is a FREE zoo. if you live in the area, you most likely walk through the zoo on regular intervals. for us, when we lived in the city, we took a trip to the zoo at least once a week during the warmer months of the year. i miss it. when you go with such a high level of frequency, you really get to "know" the animals.

when ellie was a wee one (up until we moved) we would go to the farmer's market that is held in the park and then take a stroll through the zoo. it was wonderful! since we didn't have to pay, i never felt any sort of guilt about not seeing all the animals. we'd just hit our favorites or walk until e had enough and then head home.

knowing that our time in chicago may very well becoming to an end soon, we are trying to take in our favorite things before we leave. today, we went to the zoo. (we also thought this might help miss d and her hoof-hoof issues. sigh.)

both girls loved their ride on the carousel. d had a melt down in the line because she just could not wait to get on and e was ecstatic to select which animal she would ride on. then when the ride began, their giggles were intoxicating to this momma. there is something so simple and so wonderful about a ride on the merry-go-round that brings joy to the soul.

d has decided that she is too big for the stroller, so momma got a work out today!

after our wonderful day at the zoo, we decided to stick with the theme and took the girls to the rainforest cafe. they were in their glory! as for scott and i, we will certainly sleep well tonight.

does your bedtime routine look like this?

scott recently introduced ellie to the song american music by the violet femmes (we have a broad range of musical interest around here). somehow, it has become part of the saturday night bedtime routine. scott takes both girls into the guest room and lets them jump and dance on the bed while listening to the femmes. while i am not certain i love all the lyrics, i very much love watching and listening to the fun time that they have with their daddy.

mr. hyde

while those sweet pictures of my sleeping d are still fresh in your mind, i thought i'd post one a mere 20 hours later. while making a BRIEF phone call to my sister, this is what miss d got into. needless to say, our call was cut short. sigh.

**note: i renamed the previous post

dr. jekyll

i couldn't resist posting these sweet pics of my lil' d. aren't those crossed ankles just "melt your heart" adorable? i'm her mother, so maybe it's just me, but they made my heart swell. you can also see her little lovie bunnie's ears sticking out from under her and her typical sleep time paci stash nearby.

easter

we had a quiet but wonderful easter sunday. we attended a beautiful church service where we were reminded in an eloquent way that the resurrection is the evidence of a man who was who he said he was.

i had to post this picture because the entire time i was taking d's picture, she was trying to rip off her bonnet and find our neighbor's dog- hoof-hoofing the entire time.

after church, we spent the rest of the day riding around the neighborhood with e on her new wheels. that's right, miss e's easter treat was her first big girl bike. she has been waiting so long and was thrilled to have her new set of wheels.

and then, to end our day we ate in my new dining room for the first time. this used to be our playroom, but when we listed the house, we converted it to its rightful purpose. the girls have missed their private play palace, but having a few months of dining room makes their mommy smile. i have always loved setting up a formal table and entertaining guests. unfortunately, this was the first, and maybe the only time this dining room will be used. (but since our house is still on the market, you never know!) it brought me great joy to serve dinner in here and was a great way to end the day. i should also mention the best part... our dinner was lovingly made by my hubby. he made lamb stuffed with goat cheese, sauteed spring veggies with lemon and mint, rice pilaf and then cheese blintzes for dessert. i have more to write on this dinner, but i'll save that for another post. (smile)

a rainbow and acts of love

we had our follow-up ultrasound this week. i made it through the three weeks of waiting just fine, but the day of the ultrasound, i was a mess. i was coming off of an emotional weekend helping my mom (another post coming soon), came home to a very sick little d and became totally overwhelmed by the intersection of everything.

early in the day, the girls and i made a trip to walgreens to stock up on motrin for d and some other remedies that might help her feel a little better. i was standing in the aisle, totally exhausted from being up the entire night before with d, trying to make a decision about nasal saline. typically, a quick decision. anyways, a friend of mine spotted and me and knew right away that i didn't look well. after a quick chat, with me choking back tears, she informed me that she was bringing us dinner. she didn't let me tell her "no", she just said she was doing it and that she would call to let me know when she'd be by.


later in the day, my sweet friend jen called. she said that i had been on her heart and she wanted to check in with me. she also mentioned that she was going to be coming out our way to drop a friend at the airport and that she would like to swing by (we live an additional 20 minutes beyond the airport) and pick up e. as you can imagine, this doesn't happen too often where city friends just stop by on a random tuesday. she came, she took e and her daughter to a local indoor playground and gave me a few hours of much needed time.


during the two hours that e was gone, my sweet sister called. sensing that i was on the brink of a meltdown, she instructed me to go and grab my bible and walk around the house, holding d and reading psalms. i will admit that i thought she was a little bit on the border of crazy, but i was on the border of loosing it, so i went with it. within three minutes, sweet d who had already taken her afternoon nap, became the most tired i have ever seen. i slipped her into her crib, crossing my fingers. she went slept for 30 minutes without making a peep and during those 30 minutes, God led me on a journey through the bible. with each turn of the page, he filled he reveled encouragement to me and peace that can only come from Him. it was beautiful and amazing.

and then off to the ultrasound i went. i kid you not, as i was driving the pouring rain that had been coming down all day ceased and the sun began to peak through the clouds. the ultrasound went beautifully, revealing that all concerns were lifted. and as scott and i walked out of my midwife's office, we were greeted by a beautiful rainbow stretching across the sky.

isn't God good?

i am still absorbing this wonderful news, two weeks later. but the one thing that has stood out concerning this day in my life is that three people responded to the tug at their hearts placed upon them by our sovereign Father. my friend in walgreens, my friend from the city, and my sister all felt God prompting them to do something. and they simply responded with an act of service and an act of obedience.

i was the recipient of those acts and it changed my posture in that day for sure. instead of having a heart of anxiety and fear, it allowed me to redirect my vision onto Him. those three people (and many others that i learned later had been praying) were the hands and feet of Jesus. if Jesus were here on earth hanging out in nearby, i think he'd have done the same sort of things. when you are the recipient of His inspired actions, well, it is just so meaningful.

while i rejoice that God granted me with good news that afternoon, i also rejoice in the tangible presence of Christ through His followers.

it is absolutely clear that god has called you to a free life. just make sure that you don't use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that's how freedom grows. for everything we know about God's Word is summed up in a single sentence. love others as you love yourself. that's an act of true freedom. -galatians 5:13-14

the package

i should begin by saying that if i ever tell you, "i'll mail it to you", i am probably going to end up disappointing you. i have a terrible track record with the post office. i can't quite put my finger on it, but it never goes well for me.


but on the flip side, in spite of the fact that it is terribly hypocritical, i LOVE receiving packages. last week, the girls and i discovered this giant unexpected box on the front porch.



both of my girl were in desperate need of spring coats. they have both outgrown their winter coats and neither had one to bridge the gap from winter to our never arriving chicago summer. the box contained 5... that's right, i said it... FIVE perfect coats.

these two are the favorites. they are reversible with fleece on one side and water resistant material on the other. perfect for rainy days! d is especially fond of hers because it is her first experience with a zipper. who knew that a zipper could bring such joy to a 15 month old??? every morning she spies her new digs on the coat rack and demands to have it put on her. a typical day as of late involves d running around with coat, diaper and shoes. and you can bet she's zipping up and down the whole time.

the box also contained some wonderful books by some of my favorite authors. buying books for me is always tricky because i have boxes and boxes of books in the basement from my various classrooms. somehow, this box contained titles that i don't have!!! they have quickly become our new favorites.

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the next layer of goodies was of the stamping/card making/scrapbooking category. the girls and i have had so much fun stamping with letters and e is using them to learn to "write" words. she is making her momma proud! the girl is just moments from bursting onto the independent reading and writing scene

AND THEN, can you believe it, there was an entire pack of homemade personalized stationary! as a little girl, i used to make regular trips to the mall to spend my allowance on stickers at the local fluff-n-stuff. i have distinct memories of going with several different friends and being so jealous as they bought up all the stickers containing their names. they would plaster their moniker all over their bedrooms, school supplies lunch boxes etc. and me... while i was just jealous because not once did i find a sticker that said "tasha". because of this, getting these cards was extra special.

and some of them had the whole families names. they are beautiful.

the box was sent by my beautiful aunt sharon and while the popping peanuts are long gone, the smile still hasn't left my face. it was such an unexpected and special gift. and maybe, just maybe, it will propel me into a new phase with my own package sending. i started this week by sending my mom a card... baby steps, i know... but at least a small start towards paying it forward and rewriting my terribly track record.