an outstretched hand

i took e into the city today to attend two of her friends birthday parties. (i know, keeping up with her social calendar is quite a challenge!) anyways, it was poring all day. my windshield wipers just couldn't keep up and traffic was horrendous. there were accidents all along the way and cars were moving at a snails pace in an effort to see the road. we traveled along this way until we reached the edge of downtown. up until this point, there is really only one way to go. but when you reach the edge of "the loop" you can choose which way to go. there are two main options. you can take congress straight across the loop until you hit the lake and then travel along a beautiful stretch of lake shore drive that highlights some of my favorite sights in chicago. the other alternative is taking lower wacker. lower wacker is a stretch of road that travels under the city. literally. you drive in a tunnel that travels adjacent to the chicago river from the western to the northern side of the loop.


until recently, i always opted for lake shore drive. it was reminiscent of the time when i fell in love with chicago. it highlights the sear's tower, navy pier, buckingham fountain, and of course, the beautiful sights of lake michigan. there was something about this route that made me miss my city and fondly remember special moments from my newlywed years with scott.


and then i discovered lower wacker. a friend of mine suggested it because it was a shortcut. always loving to shave off a few minutes from the drive, i began to take this subterranean route. something unusual has started happening to me as i travel this path, though. something unexpected. each time as i dip down below the surface, my heart begins to ache.


you see, lower wacker is where the homeless set up camp. in the winter, they go beneath the city because they can benefit from the exhaust from the heating systems. as each high-rise pumps heat into their buildings, the exhaust is vented out onto lower wacker, making it stinky... and warm. also in the winter, it is free from snowfall. in the summer, it offers shade from the noonday sun and a somewhat dark place to catch a nap. and today, it offered an escape from the torrential downpours.


as e and i traveled to our posh little parties, i noticed men huddled up under blankets, barely dressed. their soaked clothing and humble belongings were laid out in an attempt to dry them using the vents. i found myself wiping tears from my eyes.


you see, in a big city like chicago, you meet panhandlers everywhere you turn. they wait outside of starbucks, walgreens and the el stations, hoping to get a few bucks. every time you run your normal errands, someone is there asking for your change. you become hardened to it to some extent, because you realize that in the grand scheme of things, there is little you have to offer. sure, you can give them the remaining 64 cents while you walk off with your tasty frapacino. but at the next corner, when you walk out with your prescription drugs or your organic fillet to throw on the barbecue later that night, you'll be met with another outstretched hand. and somehow, it's easy to stop seeing them as people and to start looking the other way. and the rumors! man, everywhere you turn you read articles about the exorbitant living that some of these guys make just be getting the change from tourists on michigan avenue.


today, nobody was asking me for my change. nobody wanted to wash my windshield and nobody was trying to sell me a streetwise (a homeless publication that tries to give them a dignified way to obtain cash). today, the people that i saw were just trying to get dry. they were going about their daily life, minding their own business. and it was in this experience, this five minutes of my drive, that i saw into their world in a whole new way. i saw their struggle, when they didn't think anybody was looking. i saw their weary eyes, wondering without the benefit of the weather channel, when this rain was going to let up. i saw their tired bodies yearning for a pillow to lay their head on. and it broke my heart.

i was going to end this entry here. and yet it isn't the end of this experience for me.

being a woman of action, i used the time when e was at the party to go buy a few bags of socks, t-shirts and granola bars. i used to be a part of this organization in atlanta that met weekly with the homeless and did their best to get specifically requested items into the hands that needed them. do you know what they always asked for? warm socks, boxer shorts, an extra pair of tennis shoes.

and as i walked out of the cvs with my bag full of items, i was met by a man selling streetwise. i gave him my little remaining cash (a measly five bucks) and then we chatted for a few minutes. he thanked me for the money, but really seemed more enthusiastic about talking for a few minutes. he seemed lonely and greatly in need of some conversation. after a few minutes, i asked him if he needed some warm socks. his face lit up! his crooked posture straightened slightly. his eyes sparkled a bit and i think i detected a little bit of joy. i gave him the coveted socks and he walked over to his backpack to tuck them safely inside.

ma'am, you have no idea how nice those socks are gonna' feel at the end of this long wet day! thank you. thank you! God bless you.

and then on our way back out of the city, i prepped e. i told her that if we saw anybody hanging out on lower wacker, we were going to pull over and hand them a little bag of stuff to help them out. she was intrigued!


why do they live on lower wacker??? don't they have cozy beds??? granola bars??? for dinner???
we had a long talk about homelessness and then prayed that God would put the right people in our path that he wanted us to help, if that were His will. and then we drove down onto lower wacker. and as we drove, we didn't see a single person. i don't know if they had been asked to move along by the police or if they were headed to the neighboring churches that pass out warm meals. it was odd. i was a little frustrated because i had been eager to help out... and e was full of questions! man, did she drill me the whole way home.

after getting home and thinking things over, i realized that this did serve a good purpose for me. sometimes, it isn't about the actual "helping" but more about the heart transformation that goes along with it. sure, i could have passed out socks and gone home feeling like i'd really pitched in. but more importantly, my eyes are refreshed. i am tuned back into the heart of the man, and have put a stop to seeing past the outstretched hand. my heart is more in tune with the individual, rather than the helplessness of trying to put a dent into the homeless issue.

and i thought back to the one man who did cross my path. as i was snuggled up on my couch watching a movie in my warm house last night, i listened to the rain beating down on my windows. as this happened, it hit me. God really DID bless me. not because i gave a man socks, but for some reason that i can't explain and may not know in this lifetime. but what i do with my blessing, while that's what really matters.