on the go

well, you are just going to have to take my word for it because little d does not care to perform for the camera. but i am here to report that my little girlie took her first steps today. sh did it twice behind my back for her daddy and then several times for all of us right before bed tonight. i ran for the camera to take a video, and that cheeky girl just refused to show off. the minute i filmed, she dropped to her knees and crawled right for the camera. the minute i turned the camera off, she was stepping all over the place. she is in the beginning stages- two steps and then she falls down, stands up again, and starts it all over. this momma is really in trouble now!

a small change for the momma

here is a snap of my new cut. i went in for a trim today and walked out about 7 inches lighter:)

refinishing

i've been working on stripping a piece of furniture and then staining it. the piece was a hand-me-down that i have been meaning to re-do for a few years, but our city dwelling lacked the space for projects of this caliber. here we are a year and a half into residing in our "new" abode... and i'm just getting around to it.

first, i should tell you a little bit about the piece. it is a solid wood cabinet probably built sometime between 1930 and 1940. it's pretty basic, but does have some nice beveled edges on the front. (you can tell by my description, that this is not my area of expertise.) somewhere along the way, it was painted cream. the hardware was replaced and some pretty modern, sleek, brushed silver handles replaced whatever it once had. with time, the cream paint began to yellow in certain patches. one of the feet looks like it might have been damaged in a move, as it is missing a pretty sizable chunk of wood. it wobbles a little bit. and while it might not necessarily be the best piece of furniture to refinish, there is something about it that i love. there is also a lot to be said for the amount of money we will save in refinishing it instead of replacing it. and so it became a candidate for the refinishing process.

right before i started the process, i became a little gun shy. not really knowing what lies beneath the paint is a little scary and as soon as you apply the first drop of stripper, there is no going back. it made me pause and ask myself if i really wanted to commit the time and effort into this piece. but i took that first step and began down the road of refinishing. the process is quite tedious. first, you paint on a stripping chemical. after letting it sit for 30 minutes, you take a plastic putty knife and scrape. this process is repeated a mind numbing amount of times. and it isn't a pretty process, either. it is up to your elbows, dirty, toxic work. with each application of stripper, you can watch the layers of paint bubble up and soften a little bit. and with each scraping, more and more of the paint eventual surrenders and loosens up a bit.

eventually, you are left with a really ugly piece of furniture. it is mostly free of the paint, but it is covered with residue from the stripping chemical and there are little spots of paint that just refused to loosen and globs of paint that somehow became hardened to the surface. and through all of the muck, you can kind of see what lies beneath.

this is when the "clean-up" process begins. basically, you apply another chemical and then go to town, scrubbing off the nasty. again, it is stinky, laborious work that requires a lot of sweat and arm muscle to see your way to the end. oh, my arm would ache after each treatment. this time, with each treatment, a little bit more beauty is revealed. each time, it gets a little bit closer to clean. and then suddenly, you are left with a "naked" piece of wood, put back into it's original state- the way it was designed to be.

i started this process in august before we left for the beach. i moved the base of the piece back into my living room last night. the drawers and cabinet doors are still a work in progress. this has been quite a time commitment for such a simple piece. and yet, when i look at the almost finished piece, i smile. i am delighted with the result and know that it is the perfect vessel for storing my china in, while also looking chic. it is simple, beautiful and restored.

as i scraped and scrubbed layer after layer, my mind began to drift. i began to compare myself to the wooden chest. i began to think of it in terms of my relationship with my saviour. once upon a time, i was born (with sin thanks to my ancestors adam and eve). and at that time, i was in my most raw and untouched state. through the years, i began to cover myself with the layers of paint. with each choice i made independent of God's will for me, created thicker layers and embellishments on my heart (the handles, the nick in the leg, the stains).

and then one day, i decided to become restored. i made a choice to walk away from the layers of paint and to walk towards the greatest refinisher that there is. i chose a life with Jesus. i liken it to the moment i put on the first application of stripper. and each time i read my bible, each time i talk to God, each moment that i open my heart to Him i am applying the next application. and that putty knife, while that is just like the Holy Spirit. without it, the chemicals can't do their job. you can put all the chemical you want onto the surface, but without the opening of the heart and allowing the transformation to take place, nothing changes. but oh, when you allow the Holy Spirit to work, those layers begin to shed. you will certainly be restored.

and just like my chest, i don't look for a likely candidate for restoration. i am filled with flaws and i am sure in many people's opinion, God would be better off just getting someone new to fill the purpose that He had planned for me. i have missed the mark so many times. but just like my desire to see this piece be made anew, God desires that for me... for you... for each person that He has created. He doesn't want to leave us at the curb and go out and replace us, He wants us to be the person He designed us to be. He has a role for each of us, a specific purpose, and if we are willing to let Him, He will meet us right where we are. isn't that beautiful? in spite of our flaws He LONGS for us to be restored.

it doesn't happen over night, and it doesn't happen if you don't stick with it. with each application of God's word, and with each penetration of the heart that the Holy Spirit is waiting eagerly for, you see shavings of your layers falling away and you see the beauty of His design unfolding. i am a work in progress. i have a long way to go, but i long for the day when i am face to face with The Father and i am fully restored. it won't happen in this lifetime, i am a human that fell with the whole race, but this process is worth all of the effort.

watch out broadway, e's on her way!

last week i was in target buying a few necesities. when we arrived at the checkout, the endcap was filled with movies on sale for $7.50. hating to bypass such a bargain, i stopped to see if there were any titles that we might like to own. one of my favorite childhood movies, annie, was among the selection. i snatched it up quick and told e she was in for a treat. until VERY recently, we have not allowed e to watch many movies. she's been limited to veggietales. a few months ago, my mother-in-law gave her mary poppins. she really enjoyed it. and so i became a little more open to new movies. i should also note, that if i have to watch another episode of the backyardigans, i might self-destruct... making me even more open.

anyways, e has been enjoying her new movie. she has taken to calling me grace, scott daddy warbucks and has adopted the new persona of annie. as for d, she gets to play the role of sandy.
she watches the movie wearing her olympic gymnastic suit and adorns her neck with a "locket" (a beaded flower necklace that she found stashed in her jewlery box). she also likes to wear brown socks. here is her first solo act.

hoorAAaaAAy!

oh, boy! is this former teacher turned mother ever in for some trouble? why yes she is!

e has a little tote that she takes back and forth to school. the identical tote bag is given to each child when they enroll in the school and its purpose is similar to, say, a mailbox. if you have a note for the teacher, a tuition check, or an item to donate to the class, you put it into above mentioned tote. the teacher checks the totes each day, removes the contents and then refills the tote with any items that the school has for you (ie. artwork, newsletters, invoices, work completed in class...) the contents of the tote today concerned me. first, it was crumpled up. second, it had A's and a's all over the place in a random pattern that made this "type A" dizzy. third, the type of a's that were on it, aren't the same font that is taught in the local kindergarten. yikes! just writing that out, makes me see how crazy i am. but for the first time, it's my kid. and suddenly, i see myself turning into eric mcarthy's mother (the mom that drove me the most nuts during my third year of teaching because she thought she knew how to do my job way better than i ever could)! oh, my!

another content from the tote was an assignment. yes, e came home from school today with some "homework". and while i could write an entire entry on that fact alone, this entry isn't about the actual receiving of the homework on the preschool level. it's about the execution of homework.

her bag contained a three page packet of letter writing worksheets. my first thought was, "did everyone get one of these, or just my little angel?" i know, again, writing it out makes me see just how difficult of a mom i am going to be. and i promise you, i will fight these urges tooth and nail because no teacher deserves to deal with this little 'ol teacher turned momma. but i would be lying if i didn't admit the thought crossed my mind.

now you must know that my little e was ecstatic about the homework. it was her first assignment of its kind and receiving it made her feel big, mature and very grown-up. the first chance she had, she wanted to tackle that homework. so much so, that her page almost became a replica of the first page extracted from the tote (see photo above). this momma, not willing to let her babe make "A's" with reckless abandon, and more concerned about precision, had to do a little intervening.

and while i intervened, i saw the micromanaging mother for what she can be, a pain in the tush! and so i decided to step back a little bit. i chose to give her a few tips and then to just step back and let e be e. it was hard! as she rapidly made A's and a's all over her paper with great fervor, i decided to close my eyes and just join in with her enthusiasm. i decided to let go of my need for perfection and to celebrate her enthusiasm for letter making. does it really matter if her A's have curvy sides? at this stage in the education, can an a be lopsided and disconnected from its stem? what really matters is that she is trying, that she cares about learning to make letters and that she is strengthening those fine motor skills just by picking up the pencil.

and just look at her proud little self! she is thrilled- thrilled that she has made letters, thrilled that she has just participated in her first homework assignment, and thrilled with her learning!


and isn't that what learning is all about? yes, it is going to be a long road for this momma. but one thing is for sure, my little e is going to keep it interesting and very exciting.

an outstretched hand

i took e into the city today to attend two of her friends birthday parties. (i know, keeping up with her social calendar is quite a challenge!) anyways, it was poring all day. my windshield wipers just couldn't keep up and traffic was horrendous. there were accidents all along the way and cars were moving at a snails pace in an effort to see the road. we traveled along this way until we reached the edge of downtown. up until this point, there is really only one way to go. but when you reach the edge of "the loop" you can choose which way to go. there are two main options. you can take congress straight across the loop until you hit the lake and then travel along a beautiful stretch of lake shore drive that highlights some of my favorite sights in chicago. the other alternative is taking lower wacker. lower wacker is a stretch of road that travels under the city. literally. you drive in a tunnel that travels adjacent to the chicago river from the western to the northern side of the loop.


until recently, i always opted for lake shore drive. it was reminiscent of the time when i fell in love with chicago. it highlights the sear's tower, navy pier, buckingham fountain, and of course, the beautiful sights of lake michigan. there was something about this route that made me miss my city and fondly remember special moments from my newlywed years with scott.


and then i discovered lower wacker. a friend of mine suggested it because it was a shortcut. always loving to shave off a few minutes from the drive, i began to take this subterranean route. something unusual has started happening to me as i travel this path, though. something unexpected. each time as i dip down below the surface, my heart begins to ache.


you see, lower wacker is where the homeless set up camp. in the winter, they go beneath the city because they can benefit from the exhaust from the heating systems. as each high-rise pumps heat into their buildings, the exhaust is vented out onto lower wacker, making it stinky... and warm. also in the winter, it is free from snowfall. in the summer, it offers shade from the noonday sun and a somewhat dark place to catch a nap. and today, it offered an escape from the torrential downpours.


as e and i traveled to our posh little parties, i noticed men huddled up under blankets, barely dressed. their soaked clothing and humble belongings were laid out in an attempt to dry them using the vents. i found myself wiping tears from my eyes.


you see, in a big city like chicago, you meet panhandlers everywhere you turn. they wait outside of starbucks, walgreens and the el stations, hoping to get a few bucks. every time you run your normal errands, someone is there asking for your change. you become hardened to it to some extent, because you realize that in the grand scheme of things, there is little you have to offer. sure, you can give them the remaining 64 cents while you walk off with your tasty frapacino. but at the next corner, when you walk out with your prescription drugs or your organic fillet to throw on the barbecue later that night, you'll be met with another outstretched hand. and somehow, it's easy to stop seeing them as people and to start looking the other way. and the rumors! man, everywhere you turn you read articles about the exorbitant living that some of these guys make just be getting the change from tourists on michigan avenue.


today, nobody was asking me for my change. nobody wanted to wash my windshield and nobody was trying to sell me a streetwise (a homeless publication that tries to give them a dignified way to obtain cash). today, the people that i saw were just trying to get dry. they were going about their daily life, minding their own business. and it was in this experience, this five minutes of my drive, that i saw into their world in a whole new way. i saw their struggle, when they didn't think anybody was looking. i saw their weary eyes, wondering without the benefit of the weather channel, when this rain was going to let up. i saw their tired bodies yearning for a pillow to lay their head on. and it broke my heart.

i was going to end this entry here. and yet it isn't the end of this experience for me.

being a woman of action, i used the time when e was at the party to go buy a few bags of socks, t-shirts and granola bars. i used to be a part of this organization in atlanta that met weekly with the homeless and did their best to get specifically requested items into the hands that needed them. do you know what they always asked for? warm socks, boxer shorts, an extra pair of tennis shoes.

and as i walked out of the cvs with my bag full of items, i was met by a man selling streetwise. i gave him my little remaining cash (a measly five bucks) and then we chatted for a few minutes. he thanked me for the money, but really seemed more enthusiastic about talking for a few minutes. he seemed lonely and greatly in need of some conversation. after a few minutes, i asked him if he needed some warm socks. his face lit up! his crooked posture straightened slightly. his eyes sparkled a bit and i think i detected a little bit of joy. i gave him the coveted socks and he walked over to his backpack to tuck them safely inside.

ma'am, you have no idea how nice those socks are gonna' feel at the end of this long wet day! thank you. thank you! God bless you.

and then on our way back out of the city, i prepped e. i told her that if we saw anybody hanging out on lower wacker, we were going to pull over and hand them a little bag of stuff to help them out. she was intrigued!


why do they live on lower wacker??? don't they have cozy beds??? granola bars??? for dinner???
we had a long talk about homelessness and then prayed that God would put the right people in our path that he wanted us to help, if that were His will. and then we drove down onto lower wacker. and as we drove, we didn't see a single person. i don't know if they had been asked to move along by the police or if they were headed to the neighboring churches that pass out warm meals. it was odd. i was a little frustrated because i had been eager to help out... and e was full of questions! man, did she drill me the whole way home.

after getting home and thinking things over, i realized that this did serve a good purpose for me. sometimes, it isn't about the actual "helping" but more about the heart transformation that goes along with it. sure, i could have passed out socks and gone home feeling like i'd really pitched in. but more importantly, my eyes are refreshed. i am tuned back into the heart of the man, and have put a stop to seeing past the outstretched hand. my heart is more in tune with the individual, rather than the helplessness of trying to put a dent into the homeless issue.

and i thought back to the one man who did cross my path. as i was snuggled up on my couch watching a movie in my warm house last night, i listened to the rain beating down on my windows. as this happened, it hit me. God really DID bless me. not because i gave a man socks, but for some reason that i can't explain and may not know in this lifetime. but what i do with my blessing, while that's what really matters.

look mamma, no hands!

and wasn't it just a minute ago that my little d was finding her feet? now, she is standing up all by her little self. she hasn't taken a step yet, but man-oh-man, she's thinking about it! any bets as to when this little girlie will start walking?

the birthday party

on saturday, my sweet baby turned 4! i don't know why 4 feels so old to me. i didn't feel like this last year, and i don't remember feeling it at 2, but somehow, 4 feels old. she's getting big before my eyes! on thursday on our trip to ed debevics, i gave her an early birthday gift. it was the olympic gymnastics suit pictured above. she put it on the minute we arrived home on from our lunch outing, and has worn it ever since. somehow she decided that she would wear the matching scrunchy around her ankle. it was a big hit. she wore it to target. she wore it to whole foods. she wore it out to dinner... you get the picture. i have had to force her to cover it up with pants, but that's about as far as she'll go. if you see me out about town in the next few weeks, i think you'll spot me quickly. anyways, we had a party at her gymnastics school with 20 of her friends. 20! (scott commented at the party that she has more friends at 4 than he has had in his entire life. and he even noticed that each one really does have a special place in her life.)
e had a blast! she jumped in "the pit", she climbed on the inflatable obstacle course, she swung on the bars, she bounced high on the trampoline... you get the picture.
after an hour and a half in the gym, the kids were red cheeked, thirsty and ready for cake! and when we got home she had the most amazing gifts to open! here is just a small sampling of some of her favorites. it was a fun day. we are grateful for our little girlie, we are thankful that she is surrounded by wonderful friends, and are eager to see this special babes life unfold. we just wish we could slow it down a tiny bit.

almost 4

where does the time go? my little e is turning 4 on saturday. 4! she is getting so big and maturing so fast. i love watching this happen, but oh, i wish i could slow down just a wee little bit. there are certain moments, certain accomplishments that i just want to freeze in time and savor.

we live on a metra stop. the same tracks are also used by amtrak and a freight train line. just about everywhere we go, we travel across the tracks. often, we are stopped to let one of these trains pass through our town. when we moved here last year, e was SO EXCITED. i remember thinking, "i wonder how long the thrill of the train will last". a year and a half later, i can report, it is still a HUGE joy to my little girlie. she loves watching the lights to see if a train is coming, she gets giddy when the big arm comes down to stop traffic, and she eagerly guesses at which type of train is about to come through. she yells it out with precision. MOM, IT'S A METRA!

and so today, to kick off her birthday celebration, we added to a tradition. last year, e and i drove downtown to meet daddy for a birthday lunch. this year, we took the train. (in the pouring rain, i might add.) and oh, the excitement that my girlie felt as we waited for that train. she was thrilled to be just like her daddy who rides the train to work. she kept running out of the covered platform to see if the train was coming.

is it here yet, momma? (she'd run out into the pouring rain) nope, not yet! (thirty seconds later, she would do the same. our train was 7 minutes late so you can imagine how soaked she was:).

and then the train arrived. getting d's stroller onto the train was a little bit more difficult than i expected, so e began to get nervous. she didn't want to get onto the train before me for fear that i wouldn't make it on behind her, but she also didn't want to watch me ride off without her. she had a brief moment of panic, but thanks to some friendly fellow riders, we all made it swiftly onto the train. she skipped down the car and carefully chose her seat. she sat glued to the window, staring out, for the entire ride. her face was all smiles as she took in the sights.
a few days prior, we asked her where she wanted to go to lunch. my girl chose ed debevics. it is a tourist location where the wait staff is known to be overly rude to its patrons, in a comical way. they tease, they throw things, they demonstrate a great deal of attitude. they also wear 50's gear and are known to dance and sing.
our server kept things lively. he told e that if she didn't wear her hat, that the monster from the basement would come up and bite off her foot. she knew he was teasing and decided that she wasn't going to wear her hat. the guy came up behind her and scared her three times. he kept telling her he was going to do it until for as long as she kept her hat off. it was a riot. she'd take the hat off, he'd scare her, she'd giggle her pants off. in the end, he won and she kept her hat on.
and then he brought her their trademark, WORLD'S SMALLEST SUNDAE, and had the restaurant sing happy birthday to her. it was a blast.
and for the ride home, we rode on the second tier of the train just to keep things exciting. i think it was a success!

rest cont'd

and to say we did nothing, well that's not really accurate. but we did do a whole lotta relaxin'!

we went peach picking to a nearby orchard.


we hung out with some really good friends.

we laid on the beach. if you can believe it, right before i took this picture, i actually laid on the blanket with my hubby for almost 7 uninterrupted minutes of sunning and stillness! it was heavenly.

we caught up on a little reading. (scott resents me taking this picture because he said it made it look like he did this often. he wanted me to note that he sat doing this for approximately 5 minutes on one day. the rest of his reading took place after the girls went to bed:)
we built sand castles.

we ate lots of really yummy food... and well, others of us ate rocks:)

and had a really wonderful time together as a family!