i spent yesterday visiting with my dear friend holly. e and i met holly almost 4 years ago at our church in the city. we were part of a moms bible study together- one that was truly rare. as a group of women (starting with just 5 of us and growing to 30+) we navigated a friendship with Jesus, mothering, being a good spouse, and the trials of city living together. the only way that i can describe my relationship with holly (and the other women in this group) is to say that they know all about me and still love me. the relationship that our kids have is equally unique. e spent 2 1/2 years of her life playing with this group of beautiful children at least three days a week. they are all super close and have rich relationships with one another. to say that we miss being part of this group of women is an understatement.
e and holly's daughter caroline have always been dear to one another. caroline is a year older than ellie and ellie looks up to her a great deal. caroline loves this- she gets to be like the big sister. e also has a great deal of love for caroline's baby brother. holly was the first pregnancy that e really got up close and personal with and so she really bonded with this new baby that was on the way. shortly after holly gave birth to her son, han, ellie decided to name her american girl "baby han". the name stuck and so to this day we have our own "baby han". someday the fact that bitty baby is a girl and the real baby han is a boy might become a problem, but for now, ellie is sticking with it.
in november, holly moved to atlanta. her departure was a pretty low point for me. i'm not good with "goodbyes" and while i was really happy for her, i was also insanely sad. i was counting on holly to help me navigate breastfeeding, co-sleeping, natural childbirth, cloth diapers and all the other wonderful things that she has embraced. i needed her to be there for me if post-partum depression reared its ugly head again in my life. i needed that friend who i can always be real with, and who forces me to be real when i don't want to be. as life would go, i was put on bed rest the week that holly moved. i never really got to send her off in proper fashion and i have kind of clung to this feeling that i failed her a little bit.
i tell you all of this because it highlights the promises of my friend Jesus. while holly's life went to one location and my life went to another, our relationship is deeply rooted in Christ. yesterday was amazing. we spent 8 solid hours together and although our lives have changed drastically, our relationship is totally the same. we were able to go right back to that place of honesty, the place behind the curtain of "I'm fine." and support each other in our highest points, as well as our lowest. i think that ultimately, when i question God about our new sometimes lonely suburban life, His answer comes through quite audibly. i will always have holly (and these other dear friends from my urban life), and yet maybe, i was relying on them more than i was relying on Him.
I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out- plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. "When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. When you come looking for me, you'll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed." God's Decree. (Jeremiah 29.11-14 The Message Translation)
1.) e & c happy to see each other
2.) baby han set up with an afternoon snack (ok, so we staged this one a little bit for the benefit of our friend Leslie who is blogging about food:)
3.) ellie, delaney and han
4.) caroline passed out from a long day of playing.
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