it's raining, it's pouring

i've been feeling frustrated recently. it's complicated and many things have been getting me down. i feel like i am constantly being pulled in thousands of different directions and well, with the laws of physics, that sometimes leaves you standing in the same place at the end of the day. i don't want to be standing in this place. i want to be free of this frustration and feel productive again.

rewind to last week. i was talking to my sister about something way more important than what i am going to share with you, but our conversation reminded me of this activity that i used to do with my kids at the end of each school year. it went something like this: on the last day of school i would have all of my kids make a list of all their frustrations. all of their "i cant's" in life that hold them back and get in the way of their emotional well being and physical progress. after a few minutes of list making all the kids would put their piece of paper into a shoe box. we'd then march out to a corner of the school yard and bury the box that contained their "i can't" list. i'd end the activity with a eulogy of sorts. i'd tell the class that their "i cant's" were dead. that the frustrations in life don't have to act as stop signs. we don't have to let them impede our progress. we can leave them behind and move forward with all of our "i can's". it was one of those left brain activities that stick with you for years to come (please know that i stole this idea from a wiser woman than myself and take no claims at inventing the activity). i did the activity for the benefit of my students. i wanted to end the year with them feeling built up and free. but i did it for myself, too. i'd make a list right along with the kids and bury that list deep under the dirt right there with them. i, too, experience "i cant's" and i needed to figuratively remove the bind they had on my progress.

stick with me. i know this is long, but i swear i have a point.

after telling my sister about this, i longed for this experience again. my brain had begun to swirl with "i cant's" and i desperately needed to "bury" them.

i can't function on this limited amount of sleep.
i can't find contentment in my new surroundings
i can't balance all of my responsibilities.
i can't!
i can't!
i can't!

the list was swirling in my head and i was getting heavier and heavier with the weight of it all. remember, i was already in this funk and already feeling frustrated.

fast forward to today. i'm going out of town on thursday and i have TONS to get done before i go. my friend holly is back in town visiting and all i really want to do is hang out with her. e was at school and i was running around like a crazy women trying to get it all done. eleven thirty crept up and it was time to pick up e. i had one more thing on my list and it was all the way across town. and then it began to rain. and then the rain gave way to pouring. and then the pouring turned into a faucet from the sky. it slowed me down because i couldn't see the road ahead. we got to the last stop, and the rain had not let up at all. to say that i was annoyed is an understatement. i was angry. and in my anger my heart yelled out to God, "enough, God. i've had enough."

e, d and i jumped out of the car to run into the store. we were soaked. water was dripping from every part of our bodies. d had a puddle in her car seat carrier. e's pony tail was dripping. we were a sight to see. and as we stood their in line waiting to pay for our purchase, e started to giggle because we were such a mess. and whenever e giggles, d usually follows. so there we stood, both of my girls giggling, and a wave of joy washed over me. we made our purchase and headed back into the rain.

and i swear as i walked through the doors into the rain, i felt the lord whisper "you can" in my ear. and with that whisper, i felt the "i cant's" wash away with the rain as it soaked me again.

the Lord is good. the song nothing but the blood popped into my head and i drove home worshiping a faithful God. and i suddenly realized that my tangled list of frustrations is never bigger than Him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zvg5_V3cUlc&feature=related