my momma's journey

i don't have many words these days, but they say a picture is worth 1000. i think that might be true.

d.c. 24

ok, so by now, you all know about my super cool teacher friends. after i started pumping out babies, they went on to open another school. they are amazing!

last june, camia, who has always been on fire for obama, came up with a plan to take a bunch of their students to d.c. for the inauguration. lakita, my super talented principal friend, jumped in and took it to the school board. somehow, she got permission to take 24 of their little darlin's to d.c. between the two of them and a whole bunch of other talented teachers, parents and support staff they raised all kinds of money and put together this amazing trip.

this experience will change their lives. check it out:

www.sharemyinauguration.com

d

i've talked about my d before and her love of doing silly things (remember the cookie sheet). she makes me laugh about 100 times a day. today was no different. while cooking dinner tonight i caught her "trying on" big sisters coveted gymnastics suit and then wearing a dish towel. i had to share (please excuse the mess:).

winners never quit

last december, e began to go to soccer classes with her dad. we thought it would make for some good daddy-daughter bonding as we transitioned the new baby into e's world. we also thought it would make for a good built-in nap time for the new momma. ellie went, week after week, enjoying the class. it was a parent participation class, so each week, scott and ellie would spend the 50 minutes together learning soccer skills. afterwards, scott would take ellie to her favorite restaurant, calbay. she is a huge fan of this little diner because they have a santa boot hanging from the ceiling, making it look like santa has fallen through the roof above and gotten his leg stuck. she is also a big fan of the chocolate chip pancakes served to look like mickey mouse... but i'm getting off topic.

at the end of the session, scott asked e if she wanted to sign up for the next set of classes. e gave an adamant "no". she did not want to do soccer again. we were surprised because she had enjoyed it so much, but decided to let her make the choice. several months passed and e started talking about soccer again. she wanted to go back. it so happened that she wanted to do this in the middle of the summer and we were going to be out of town for quite a few saturdays, so we made her wait a bit. the same thing happened with the first fall session. and so we waited again. december rolled around again and scott had a chat with e.

s: are you sure you want to start soccer again?


e: YES!


s: once we sign up, we are sticking with it. do you understand?


e: yes, dad! i want to do it.


s: parents don't participate in this age group. you're getting older, so daddy will just watch from the sidelines.


e: yes, dad! i want to do it.


and so he signed her up. he took her, calbay and all, and she HATES it. for the past month, she has cried about soccer a lot. usually, it happens on friday night at bedtime... you know, the night when you are really tired, looking forward to some quality couple time and just want the kiddos tucked snug as a bug in a rug...?

as the mom that has not stepped foot into the soccer center, i've been asking scott a lot of protective mommy questions.

are the kids in her class nice to her? is the coach encouraging? is it fun? does she get enough attention? do they give positive reinforcement?...

this saturday, scott was spending some time doing a bathroom remodel, so it was my turn to take e to soccer. and with my very own eyes, i was able to see the dreaded soccer class.

the coaches were positive, friendly and encouraging. they were skilled and put together some well thought out drills. the kids didn't drool or have snaggle teeth. they were in fact a quite normal run of the mill bunch of kiddos. the parents were even nice.

and given the smile that was plastered across my little soccer gal's face, i think she likes it. i am starting to think, however, that she does not like bedtime on friday nights.

some snaps

a glimpse at my d's personality... she goes into the cabinet daily and pulls out the cookie sheet. she carries it around the house and does various things with it. today, she squatted on it to drink her bottle.

and sweet little e... she is really into jokes right now. she takes out this book titled kids are punny by rosie o'donnel from back in the day. she "reads" us jokes from the book. most of them don't make sense but when she tells them she is laughing so hard that you join in with her in uncontrollable laughter.

and here are some pics of our snowy weekend:

Take Our Snow Please

As out the window, I look, more snow today,

have only one thing to say, take our snow please.

Six week-ends straight, snow, snow every where,

have only one thing to say, take our snow please, today.

So much snow, so much cold,

snow in the streets, snow in the yard,

snow on the car, snow on my shoe,

have only one thing to say, take our snow please,

we don't know what to do.

Winter, oh winter please end,

all of this snow, we don't really want it,

snow falling, flakes dropping

have only one thing to say, take our snow please,

don't delay.

by jim foulk

airing a grievance

today the girls and i tried to make room for their new christmas and birthday gifts in the playroom. as i am sure many mommas do, i thought this would be a great opportunity to clear out some of the under-used toys that we seem to have an abundance of.

insert a confession: i loath stuffed animals. i am not sure why, but when i look at them all i can see is huge fur balls filled with dust mites. they creep me out. i know, i need therapy.

as i sorted and organized all of the baby doll accessories, i assigned ellie the task of going through a huge basket of stuffed animals and baby dolls. i thought about giving her a number of items that i wanted her to select to weed out, but decided against it. truth be told, i was hopeful that she would weed out lots of them.

we worked side by side and engaged in some good momma daughter chat. my back was slightly turned to her, so i couldn't see exactly what she was doing, but i kept seeing the contents of the basket decreasing. i was pleased with her commitment to the project. after a little bit she declared that she was finished. i turned to assess her piles and this is what i found:


items to keep...



hmm. it looked pretty large. in fact, it looked like the entire basket. looking at the empty bag that i had given her, i asked her where she had placed the items she was ready to donate. she pointed to a bin in the corner.

items to discard:

i would like to report that both of those items belong to me. the baby doll is baby beth. i received baby beth when i was a little girl (for Christmas at the age of 3). my grandma ruth sewed baby beth an entire wardrobe. ellie still has it. when i was older and less into playing dolls, i defaced beth with a magic marker. my own momma, knowing that i would be sad in later years, sent baby beth to a doll restorer and had her cleaned up. a few summers ago, when my mom made her yearly visit to chicago, she brought my doll trunk to share with ellie.

the second item in the bin is my koosah. you may recall that during the cabbage patch craze of the 80's, the koosah was also high in popular demand, made also my xavier roberts.

can you believe it? she wanted to dump her own momma's prize childhood possessions! what's next? my heart broke a little bit and i must confess, you might find one or both of them hidden under my bed for the next few weeks. somebody has got to protect them!

d's birth remembered

above is a picture taken from this evenings birthday celebration for d. she has somehow turned one, but i can't tell you how. it feels like her first year has gone by so fast. i know everyone says this, but i just don't know where the time has gone.

i have spent a good part of today thinking about the start of her little life and the little lady that she is. i thought it was fitting to share her birth story as told by my friend Kristie here today. the way she came into the world, quick with urgency and yet a coming with a sense of peace and ease, somehow is quite fitting for her. it actually depicts the one year old that stands before me today.

dear delaney,

it was a privilege and honor to be invited by your parents to participate in your birth. i am a doula, a woman who encourages and supports laboring women. your mom is also a special friend of mine and it was a gift for me to share the moments of your birth and welcome you into the world with your parents. i wanted to tell you the story of your birth.

that night as i climbed into bed i prayed that you would be born. i had a really good feeling that you would be coming soon - so good that i had all my bags packed and ready to go that night. as a wise laboring mother, your mom and dad took a good half hour walk before going to bed. but you were getting real excited about coming out into the world and your mom's body was responding to you. she was not able to go to sleep, so she took a shower and got into bed. the contractions suddenly would not stop. eventually, her water broke and she knew this time you were serious about coming. your mom called me at 12:45am as they were on the way to west suburban hospital in oak park, il. i arrived there at 1:25am and met them in the triage unit where they had your mom on a monitor to make sure you were doing well.

i knew you were anxious to get here as soon as i arrived and saw your mom. your dad told me your mom labored wonderfully on the thirty-minute car ride - which is no easy feat. she was having a lot of very hard contractions and being hooked up to all those monitors was very uncomfortable. despite that she labored on. i would verbally remind her to relax her body and let it do the work, and she would focus on relaxing her clinched muscles through the contractions. her lower back was really sore, and your dad would massage her back in just the right spot to help her feel better. your mom would moan melodiously through each contraction. when i first arrived both of your parents were very excited. you mom was talking and joking around with me between the contractions. within 15 minutes, the contractions became a lot stronger and longer. they were trying to move her through triage quickly to get her to her room. she asked me several times how much longer i thought it would be until you would be here. i told her that before the sun came up you would be here, but i really did not think it would be that long.

about the time we were ready to move to the room, the midwife - shirley moore - arrived. she was happy to see your mom there, and she decided to check how far along she was before they moved us to the birthing room. your mom was 8cm, which is very far along. everything began to move a lot more quickly, and they were hurrying to get everything set up for your arrival.

changing rooms boosted every one's mood and we all got ready to settle in. it was a great big room with a queen size bed, rocking chair, and a huge birthing tub. along the wall was a cute white, rocking bassinet reminding us of why we were there. you mom went to the bathroom, while your dad and i got out some of the things your mom might need. your dad realized he had forgotten something, but there was never any time for him to go back to the car and get it. we were ready to get down to business. your mom tried to walk around, but you were bearing down on her. we would do one or two contractions in every position - standing and rocking, kneeling alongside the bed, standing with the birth ball on the bed. all the while your dad would patiently massage her lower back, through each contraction, where she was having a lot of pain.

while she was kneeling beside the bed, shirley checked her again and found that she was fully dilated, and told her if she felt like pushing she could. shirley took all of her cues from your mom; she let your mom's body lead us through the process of birth. she was constantly encouraging and focusing your mom on what was coming. it was very hot in the room we were in and your mom was extra hot from all the hard work she was doing. we were trying to cool her down - she would eat ice chips between contractions. putting a cold washcloth on her forehead and neck soothed her. your mom took her time and didn't feel quite ready to push yet.

as she got more tired and shaky you mom felt like lying down. so we all climbed up on the bed. i kept her cool while your dad was telling her what a great job she was doing and was holding her hand, and shirley was encouraging her from her spot at the end of the bed. almost as soon as we got on the bed, your mom was ready to push a little. she would squeeze your dad's hand with both of her hands. i was holding one of her legs and putting some pressure on her back. shirley was encouraging her by telling her how much of your head we could see with each push. during each pushing contraction you mom would yell... after each one she would apologize to all of us for how loud she was being... really it was not that loud it just sounded like she was really doing a lot of hard work with her body. she pushed for about 20 minutes and then out you popped and they caught you and plopped you right onto your mom's belly. your dad cut the cord. they couldn't believe that you were here. we were all telling your mom what a rock star she was to labor so peacefully and to push you out so well. you were born at 2:43am on December 27th. non of us could believe we had only been at the hospital for an hour and a half. your parents took turns holding you, the nurses checked you out and then your mom nursed you for the first time. at first you didn't seem that interested, but then you quickly got the hang of it and latched right on.

you were a special birth for me as you were my last birth before i head into studying to become a midwife. it was a reminder of what a gift of lift God gives us in birth and how special a moment to be a woman and to do what God designed us to do. your birth was very special to your parents because they had wanted you for quite a while and they were thankful for your safe arrival.

one of the meaning of delaney is "descendant of the challenger"... that is what your mom has always been - a challenger - to be the best she can be and help others be their best and make any environment she is put in better. your birth was no exception. she fought every inch of the way to do things the way she thought were healthiest for you and for her. you are also blessed by a dad who actively took time to prepare for you to come. he was ready at every turn to give your mom the encouragement, love and support that she needed. the strength of their marriage is evident in their teamwork in welcoming you into the world, and what a blessing to be born into a family who loves each other and works for each other to become their best. may this be the beginning of a journey of discovering who God designed you to be.

in his hands,

kristie

transcending

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_4qwVLqt9Q

my friend kristie sent me this youtube video this week. it made me weep.

friendship is such a valuable thing. as i have walked through the past few weeks, it has been one of the things that has gotten me through. when i've been low or discouraged, i turn the corner and am met with encouragement from a friend. cards, emails, phone calls, they have all given me the boost that i needed.

last thursday, i was fortunate to be in town for an event that i had been looking forward to. you see, about once a month, three of my sweet friends and myself get together for a girls only grown-up dinner. each time i leave these dinners, i feel refreshed, enlightened, encouraged and well, it makes the load that each of us carry seem more bearable. we've shared our secrets, our hopes and ambitions, our breast pump, hand-me-downs... the list goes on. these our my girls that "know" me, not much that i can hide from them because they see right through me and love me in spite of me.

these girls helped me celebrate the pregnancy of delaney with a surprise baby shower, they cared for my family during a miscarriage a few years back, one of them even served as a doula during the birth of delaney. and while i was in richmond a week ago, they designed and ordered my christmas cards. i am truly blessed. and as i reflect on their role (and the roles of so many other wonderful women in my life- you know who you are and i could not walk this path without each of you!), i am filled with thankfulness.

my mom's accident took place on thanksgiving- and while i had a lot of things to be thankful for on that day, i feel them in a whole different way on this day. and so here is my thanksgiving posting. this year, i am thankful for friendship- with these three wonderful girlies (jodi, janet, and kristie) and for so many others.

josh

yesterday i spent some time reflecting on my beautiful nephew joshua. six years ago (yesterday) he left the loving arms of his family to be embraced by an even bigger love. it's hard to imagine that anyone could love him more than my sister stacy did, but it's true. our Saviour's love is the biggest love that their is and His embrace is the only one true thing that we can count on. He will not let you go if you choose Him.

in my remembering, i pulled out the reading that my sister selected for me to read at josh's funeral. it was a passage that had been shared with her as she walked the journey knowing she would be giving up her son prematurely. it was filled with truth and brought her comfort as she faced her trials. i could write for days on the lessons that my sister and her family taught me during this difficult period, i could describe the faith that they possess, the posture of surrender that they willingly took, the peace that guarded their hearts... i'm not sure you'd believe me if i told you because it was unimaginable. watching this family walking deep in pain and being carried by the truth of the cross was a profound experience for me.

and as i face the trial of my mother and think of the trial that stands before her, i reflect back on what i learned through my piece of the trial of joshua. and so today, i will share the reading from joshy's funeral:

some time ago, a few ladies met in a certain city to read the scriptures and make them the subject of conversation. while reading the third chapter of malachi, they came upon a remarkable expression in the third verse:

"He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."

one lady's opinion of this verse was that it was intended to convey the view of the sanctifying influence of the grace of Christ. she decided to visit a silversmith and report to her group what he said on the subject.

she went accordingly, and without telling the object of her errand begged to know the process of refining silver, which he fully described to her.

but sir, do you sit while the work of the refining is going on?

oh yes, madam, i must sit with my eye steadily fixed on the furnace, for if the time necessary for the refining be exceeded in the slightest degree, the silver will be injured.

the lady at once saw the beauty and the comfort too, of the expression.

"He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."

Christ sees a need to put His children into the furnace; His eye is steadily intent on the work of purifying, and His wisdom and love are both engaged in the best manner for us.

our trials do not come at random, for it says in mathew 10:30 that "the very hairs of your head are all numbered".

as the lady from the bible study was leaving the silversmith's shop, the silversmith called her back. he said he had forgotten to mention that the only way he knows when the process of purifying is complete is when he sees his own image reflected in the silver. becoming conformed to the image of Christ is a process. each of us is a work in progress. perhaps you can see that you are more patient, more caring, more peaceful in the midst of adversity. when troubles come, you trust more than you once did and you cling to promises such as:

"and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose. for those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son." (romans 8:28-29)

the "good" is becoming like Jesus. this takes a lifetime. and even then, the process will not be complete until we see Him face to face.

joshua is now in complete perfection, in heaven, face to face with the refiner.

pat the pilot

i left my mom's bedside on sunday afternoon. in my departure, in spite of her lack of clarity that day, my mom began to pray for me. it is in these moments when she connects with the Holy Spirit that i see true glimpses into the woman that she was before the accident. she prayed for my family and praised God for their willingness to be without me for a few days, for my travel and then she spent a few minutes praying for the pilot of my plane. i was running late and she was beginning to ramble and loose track of her thoughts and so my aunt amy and i wrapped up the prayer for her by saying "amen". i kissed her cheek and reluctantly left for the airport.

once at the airport, i made my way to my gate. i detoured to the ladies room to freshen up and gain composure. as i exited the restroom, a pilot made eye contact with me.

pilot: how are you today, ma'am?

me: i'm ok.

pilot: just ok? what's the matter?

and so i proceeded to give this complete stranger the short version of my reality.

pilot: my name's pat. where you headed?

me: chicago

pilot: oh, well it looks like we'll be traveling together. i'll be the one way up front. what's your mom's name?

me: (suddenly feeling choked up as i remembered my last few moments with my mom) sandra.

pilot: i'm gonna be praying for sandra then. and you, what's your name?

me: tasha... (and then the story tumbled out of my mouth. i told him about my mom praying for me and for him moments before i left her side.)

pilot: (face grinning ear to ear) well look at that! she prayed for me and now i'm going to pray for the two of you. is my collar straight?

i looked at his collar and discovered that he was wearing a cross with praying hands in the center.

God is good. he has shown up at every bend of this journey so far and i say with certainty, that he is walking this path with us. he is walking this path with her. and when she reaches out to him, he covers her and displays his great peace and most blessed assurance that she is in his hands. when we pray, when we ask God to meet the deepest desires of our hearts, He shows up. people are joining us on this journey, even strangers like the pilot of a plane from richmond to chicago. will you join us?

hart upper elementary project

in an effort to distract my mind this weekend and keep things as "normal" as possible for the girls, we went ahead and put up the christmas trees. we went to a lot hosted by the local ymca and picked out our frasier fur. it is beautiful, in my opinion. as we were selecting it, we noticed that attached to the tree was a zip lock baggie with a postcard inside. this is what the card said:

hi!

this christmas tree is from hart, michigan. we are studying michigan's natural resources in our 4th grade social studies. would you please return this postcard to us to let us know where you purchased the this tree? our classes will be charting the locations of where the trees are sold and our students are anxious to hear back from you and your family. feel free to include any other information that you would like. thank you very much!! merry christmas and happy new year.

well that tipped the scales for this former 4th grade teacher turned, full-time momma! we snatched it up and were thrilled to be able to report back to these young students. and by the way, hats off to this team of teachers that are making an effort to make learning memorable and fun at the same time. i can just imagine that being a student working on this project would be very exciting.

happy data collecting!

and just to keep things fun... can you guess which tree is the real tree and which one is our artificial tree?

(i know two trees is a bit excessive, i'll make up for it in other ways. we have just always loved the smell of the real deal wafting through our home. we decided that one tree is sizeable enough of an eco-footprint, so bought the fake guy last year.)

our daily bread

i will begin with a confession. for the past few months, i have been in a spiritual funk. my bible hasn't been open with much regularity. my mind hasn't been dwelling on Christ and my attitude has been pretty poor. i've been tired, frustrated, and sometimes angry. i've sort of been blaming it on the hormonal adjustment that comes when the body completes nursing a little one. but regardless of the reason, that's been my mental state as of late.

hearing about my mom, while in this state, with such distance in my heart from God, has been difficult. i've had a hard time running to His feet with my thoughts, my petitions and letting Him be my comforter and source of strength.

a side story:

from the first day i can recall until the last day i lived in my mother's home, we had family devotions. as a family, right before dinner, we would read the bible passage and daily reading found in our daily bread. afterwards, we would pray together. we would each pick a topic of prayer and then take turns praying out loud. this happened every day, regardless of the circumstances. it happened if we had friends over, it happened if someone was sick, and interruptions weren't really allowed. the phone could ring, someone could knock at the door... it didn't matter. my mother decided early on that it was a priority and that this time together was sacred. it happened everyday from my infancy until i left for college.

yesterday, as i was walking out of church, i glimpsed a stack of our daily bread out of the corner of my eye. i grabbed one, thinking that it would be a good activity for she and i to do together each day when i get to the hospital. i tucked it into my purse and went on my way.

now back to the first story i was telling:
last night i woke up in the middle of the night unable to sleep. i wanted to pray, but since thursday, my prayers have been hard. i need a miracle right now. God, fortunately, still performs them. and yet, i am aware that for the past few weeks, i have been pushing God away to the fringe. i talk to Him, sure, but it just hasn't been the same. i have been wrestling with the hypocrisy that i feel- pushing God away and then suddenly calling on Him because i really need Him. i never wanted my relationship with God to get to that point. i long to be faithful, to be worshipful in everything, to be close to Him no matter what the circumstances may be. He is too magnificent to be reduced to my "santa in the sky" that i call on only in crisis and only when i want something from Him.

but my heart really wanted to pray. and so in the dark of my room, i prayed. the word pray sounds reverent- what i did, was a little less than that. i cried out and let God know just where i was. that i am frustrated, confused, and lonely. that i've been wondering where He has been these past few weeks and that i don't like the compartment in which i have placed Him.

and you know what, as i prayed, as i cried out to my sweet Jesus, it became abundantly clear. He has been there all along. and do you know what else, i felt this sweep of compassion cover me. it was clear to me that God can handle all of the emotions that i am feeling. He's big enough to shoulder my frustration, He's loving enough to understand my pain, and He is full of forgiveness big enough to cover the distance i have placed in our relationship. He doesn't hold grudges and He reaches out in that instant, the one where we turn to face Him, and he embraces us.

this morning, like every morning since the accident, i called my sisters to get the morning report. today's news just didn't sound good. the doctors had decided that she wasn't strong enough to endure the surgery needed to place the pins in her broken hand. her confusion has increased a bit and she is more unsure about where she is or the reality of the moment. she is also experiencing a lot of discomfort. since she is already limited by her physical handicap that resulted from the aneurysm, there are fewer positions that she can be in. her legs are cramping up, her hips are sore, and she is overall uncomfortable.

after talking to my sisters, i put delaney in her chair for some breakfast. ellie was still asleep and it was just the two of us sitting in the silence while she ate. i couldn't stop thinking about the copy of our daily bread in my purse. i went and pulled it out and opened up my bible, asking God for Him to speak to me. i just needed something to hold onto. i started to read the excerpt for december 1st and then remembered i was supposed to read the scripture passage first. i flipped in my bible to the passage for today:

2 corinthians 4:7-18
"if you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. we carry this precious message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. that's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us. as it is, there's not much chance of that. you know for yourselves that we're not much to look at. we've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken. what they did to Jesus, they do to us- trial and torture, mockery and murder; what Jesus did among them, he does in us- he lives! our lives are at constant risk for Jesus' sake, which makes Jesus' life all the more evident in us. while we're going through the worst, you're getting in on the best! we're not keeping this quiet, not on your life. just like the psalmist who wrote, "i believed it, so i said it," we say what we believe. and what we believe is that the One who raised up the Master Jesus will just as certainly raise us up with you, alive. every detail works to your advantage and to God's glory; more and more grace, more and more people, more and more praise! so we're not giving up. how could we! even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace.

i read these words and began to weep. my father, Jesus, knew exactly what i needed. He didn't keep it from me, but pored it out there for me, the minute that i was willing to receive it. and He didn't do in just any old way. He used the same little old devotional that i grew up with. the one i haven't read in years, but always makes me think of my sweet momma and her dedication to raising her girls in The Truth. and as i am here in chicago, away from my mother, for another day, i will cling to these words. as i board the plane tomorrow night to go and be with her, i will cling to these words. as i sit by her side, when it's time for me to leave, with each decision, with each step forward, with each slide back, i will cling to these words.

*above is that picture of my mom and i when i was born, right before she went in to surgery. my aunt sharon posted it on her blog for me.

my mother cont'd

the first picture taken of my mother and i was taken shortly after i was born, right before she was wheeled into the operating room for major surgery. in that photo, my mother had a beautiful head of thick brown, shiny hair. the next photo to be taken of me and my mother is months later. she is wearing a scarf to cover her shaven head.

i don't know why this image has been in my mind so much these past few days. it is one of those things that as my mind wanders, my thoughts drift to my sweet momma, laying in a hospital bed hundreds of miles away, keeps coming forth into my thoughts.

i'll start at the beginning.

33 years ago, almost exactly, my mother was pregnant with little old me. she was fixing dinner for my two older sisters and just didn't feel right. she went to lay down on the couch because she felt really bad. as the story goes, she was taken to the hospital where they discovered that she was suffering from a brain aneurysm. the doctors weren't certain what the extent of the damage was on her or me, but they knew they needed to operate immediately. they also knew that they couldn't perform brain surgery on a pregnant woman. i was birthed in a hurry, in an effort to save her life. once stable from childbirth, she was taken into surgery to remove the aneurysm. months passed, several surgeries took place and somehow months later, this stubborn and very determined woman returned home to her family. and while her body was very altered physically, she persevered and defied the odds. with much therapy, she walked with the assistance of a cane, in spite of her physical paralysis in her left arm and leg. and aside from some minor short-term memory issues, she regained full mental health.

this is the first miracle that i witnessed in my life.

faith for me has always hinged on that miracle. from the first day of my existence, God proved to be faithful. he saved me, he saved my mother. he made the impossible possible.

on thanksgiving night, my mother, visiting her sister in richmond, decided to take a walk. walking and praying are one of my mothers favorite things. she walks each morning and talks to her friend, Jesus. he is her lifeline. and so as i picture her walking that early evening, i know she was not alone, but rather deep in conversation with her father above. suddenly she was struck by a vehicle, knocking her to the ground. she was taken by ambulance to the hospital. the details of that ride, those first moments at the hospital, the initial prognosis, i do not know. i just know that things were pretty grim. her brain was bleeding, her body badly bruised- you see she sustained major impact on her usable body parts. the doctors anticipated having to go in surgically to relieve the pressure on her brain from where the blood was pooling.

in the middle of the night, my sister stacy arrived at her bedside. my mom was in a rough state and things did not look good. we would wait until morning for the next ct scan to see how the bleeding was going. but from my sisters description, things didn't sound very optimistic and it appeared that my mom's memory was altered.

hours passes as my sister and her husband prayed with her, stroked her pale cheeks and massaged her legs. morning came and the doctors came by to do their rounds. another ct scan was given. and while the scan didn't look good, her body, her physical progress spoke hope to them. you see, while the scan didn't show much change from the night before and suggested that surgery might still be necessary, her speech, her increased memory, her coloring, her vitals all indicated that she was making tremendous progress. one doctor even commented that the scan and the patient didn't match. he was amazed at her progress. there isn't much explanation, unless you believe in miracles.

and so today, 24 hours post accident, i stand in that miracle. she is alive. she is showing some progress. the road ahead looks like it will be long, but i know that she, my sisters, and i won't have to walk it alone. i know that the same God that brought her out from under the cloud of a brain aneurysm will walk with us through this too.

my mother

http://musesandmudderings.blogspot.com/2008/11/life-changes-in-heartbeat.html

i can't really find the words, but the blog above tells the unfortunate story. pray. my sweet momma needs to be surrounded by angels right now. i am certain that she is.

a new era

i swore when barack obama won the democratic nomination that i would not let emotion sway my voting. i was determined that i wanted to cast a vote for the most qualified man, the one that would be best equipped at handling the problems that we face today. and so i went through this entire election period totally oblivious to the fact that an african-american was running. really. i know that is hard to believe, but having the wrong black man in office could do more damage than having one at all and i wanted to consider the entire package.

and so last night, as i was watching the media coverage of grant park, it suddenly hit me. tears were falling freely down jesse jacksons face. he has fought his entire life for this moment. as obama gave his speech, it became even more profound for me... this is a culmination of years of blood sweat and tears for so many in our nation.

my mind began to drift to my former students. i can only imagine the possibility that their eyes will now see. for my black, inner-city chicago students, this is a role model that they can tangibly experience. he demonstrates the opportunity that can go hand in hand with working hard. for my immigrant students in atlanta, he epitomizes the hope that brought them from their native land to this land of opportunity. it is amazing!

and so regardless of how you voted, i hope you, like myself, see that the audacity of hope is a powerful thing. something that will positively change the eyes of our young and the potential that lies before them.

my mind also wandered to my dear friend camia. back in june, camia appealed to the board of education for an opportunity to take some of her students to washington, d.c. for the presidential inauguration. twenty four african-american students from her school will travel with her to see barack obama be sworn in as president. i can only imagine how this will effect them and transform their lives. and for that transformation, for that opportunity, i am thrilled with the outcome of this election.

if you'd like to donate to the trip that these wonderful children will be taking, mail a check to:
Frazier Prep
4027 W. Grenshaw
Chicago, IL 60624

in the memo line, write D.C. trip. any amount would be a huge help to help this amazing trip take place.

an end to the season

i took this picture last week. right before the first frost was scheduled to arrive, i pulled out all the remaining tomatoes and removed all the plants from my garden bed. can you believe how many there are? overall, i think that my first gardening experience was successful, fun and definitely educational.

and now, i am left with my big basket of fruit. i wish that i could just preserve it and have this beautiful centerpiece for a while, but i don't think that the tomatoes will cooperate with that plan. and so now i am in search of the best fried green tomato recipe out there. i tried one with a cornmeal crust that was crispy but just mediocre in the taste department. i have also tried one with a panko and dill crust that is then topped with a cucumber relish. tasty, but not quite perfect. any suggestions?

a little laugh at our expense

some funny snippets from our house as of late...



d is really into fresh fruit. with her limited chewing ability (6 front teeth don't break down much), i've been trying to scour the supermarket for find some variety in her fruit course. this week, i picked up some kiwi. ellie, ever the picky eater, has not seen a kiwi in our shopping basket in years. she was riding in the back of the cart trying to keep her body from coming into contact with the rough, brown fruit. as we turned a corner she yelled out (totally serious and very concerned), "mom, get the bikini! it is falling on me!"

(maybe less funny and more gross): our little d, who has had an obsession with toes for some time as turned her obsession in a new direction. now our little girl wanders the house in search of the toes belonging to other people. e, always up for a good laugh, like to dangle her little tootsies in front of d's face in hopes of getting a nibble. d, usually up for taking the bait, spends more time than this momma would like, with e's toes on their way into her mouth.

baby sounds

i have no idea why, but seeing little babes push strollers just melts my heart. here's a little glimpse into the emerging personality of our little d. aren't her little noises just too much? i can't get enough!

mccain is a pain and a momma not sure about obama

earlier today i published a post about my current state of being (not good) and how listening to a wonderful song (only hope by caedmon's call) helped me see the light. after publishing the post, i was disappointed in my inability to upload a video from you tube. i called my sister and asked her to walk me through the process. i am certain that she knew what she was talking about and i am also certain that i am a technological misfit. in spite of her attempts to teach me, i somehow deleted the entire posting. i couldn't go back and re-write it. it was hard enough to write the first time. and so instead, you get this...


i have not posted on the presidential election. because of this, it would be easy to conclude that i am not politically minded or interested in the election. the truth is the exact opposite. i have been engrossed in politics since i was in high-school. as far as this current election is concerned, i have not missed a single debate, going all the way back to the primary debates. in addition, i have a news tv obsession that could land me in therapy. i am obsessed with this presidential election.

recently, a friend of mine posted a face book status update about how her obama signs keep disappearing from her front lawn. during the same weekend, my mother-in-law reported that her mccain signs are walking off during the night. i joked about it and said i was going to vote based on the candidate whose signs i saw the most. and then i thought about that statement.

it has been bouncing back and forth between my ears for a few weeks. i am left with the question of, "what purpose do these signs have in the first place?". i mean really, in an age where most of the population is trying to save our little planet and preserve our natural resources for future generations, do we really need the signs. aren't they just one short step away from the landfill that doesn't have any more room? does seeing that your neighbor is voting one way really have an impact on how YOU will vote? in fact, it is rather divisive. i like my neighbors just fine. since we moved in almost two years ago, i thought we were very like minded. until i saw their lawn become cluttered with signs supporting this guy, that guy, and that other guy running for office. suddenly, i have a few question marks raised in my mind about them.

ultimately, it is pure waste. environmentally damaging waste to be precise. i don't think that they impact the race in any way. and while i am certain that there is some pole published that would prove me wrong, i don't really care how a stranger down the street is voting. isn't that why we pay for the little curtain around the voting booth? it is a personal matter. and while i am very open to public discussion of why one might vote for one candidate over another, the signs eliminate the discussion.

i was thinking about a solution- maybe we attach a little recording device to the signs where the poster records a 45 second clip on why they support the particular candidate. that, i could get behind. that would maybe have impact. but the signs alone, well, i am hereby declaring that i am anti candidate signs.

and while i am on the topic of the presidential election, i would like to say that i am a little miffed. as mentioned earlier, i watched every debate intently and have done so for years. this is the first year that i can recall not hearing more details on a variety of topics. i know that a responsible voter will do their homework, but let's be honest, not everyone falls into that category. what has happened to topics like education, immigration, plans for farmers, state accountability, plans to truly balance the budget... the list goes on. some of those things were asked of the candidates, but most of those questions were left very unanswered. i am pretty clear on their foreign policy agenda and their tax agenda, but isn't the president responsible for so much more? i am a few short weeks away from casting my ballot, and overall, i am still very much hungry for the real meat of each candidate's plan. go to their web sites and check it out for yourself. if you dig around long enough, you'll find answers. short answers that don't really explain much.

i'll end with one of scott's favorite movie lines...

you want answers?

i want the TRUTH!

you can't handle the TRUTH!

d- on the go.

d's been walking now for almost a month. i have spent a great deal of time trying to get a decent video of her taking these precious first steps, but with marginal success. you see, d's biggest priority is keeping up with big sister. today, e was distracted in her room and d was toddling down the hallway. i grabbed the camera quickly, but as soon as i started to get some footage, d heard her sister behind door number 1. and while, this girl just knows that dropping to her knees is the fastest way to keep up. and so down she went in search of her favorite family member.