airing a grievance

today the girls and i tried to make room for their new christmas and birthday gifts in the playroom. as i am sure many mommas do, i thought this would be a great opportunity to clear out some of the under-used toys that we seem to have an abundance of.

insert a confession: i loath stuffed animals. i am not sure why, but when i look at them all i can see is huge fur balls filled with dust mites. they creep me out. i know, i need therapy.

as i sorted and organized all of the baby doll accessories, i assigned ellie the task of going through a huge basket of stuffed animals and baby dolls. i thought about giving her a number of items that i wanted her to select to weed out, but decided against it. truth be told, i was hopeful that she would weed out lots of them.

we worked side by side and engaged in some good momma daughter chat. my back was slightly turned to her, so i couldn't see exactly what she was doing, but i kept seeing the contents of the basket decreasing. i was pleased with her commitment to the project. after a little bit she declared that she was finished. i turned to assess her piles and this is what i found:


items to keep...



hmm. it looked pretty large. in fact, it looked like the entire basket. looking at the empty bag that i had given her, i asked her where she had placed the items she was ready to donate. she pointed to a bin in the corner.

items to discard:

i would like to report that both of those items belong to me. the baby doll is baby beth. i received baby beth when i was a little girl (for Christmas at the age of 3). my grandma ruth sewed baby beth an entire wardrobe. ellie still has it. when i was older and less into playing dolls, i defaced beth with a magic marker. my own momma, knowing that i would be sad in later years, sent baby beth to a doll restorer and had her cleaned up. a few summers ago, when my mom made her yearly visit to chicago, she brought my doll trunk to share with ellie.

the second item in the bin is my koosah. you may recall that during the cabbage patch craze of the 80's, the koosah was also high in popular demand, made also my xavier roberts.

can you believe it? she wanted to dump her own momma's prize childhood possessions! what's next? my heart broke a little bit and i must confess, you might find one or both of them hidden under my bed for the next few weeks. somebody has got to protect them!

d's birth remembered

above is a picture taken from this evenings birthday celebration for d. she has somehow turned one, but i can't tell you how. it feels like her first year has gone by so fast. i know everyone says this, but i just don't know where the time has gone.

i have spent a good part of today thinking about the start of her little life and the little lady that she is. i thought it was fitting to share her birth story as told by my friend Kristie here today. the way she came into the world, quick with urgency and yet a coming with a sense of peace and ease, somehow is quite fitting for her. it actually depicts the one year old that stands before me today.

dear delaney,

it was a privilege and honor to be invited by your parents to participate in your birth. i am a doula, a woman who encourages and supports laboring women. your mom is also a special friend of mine and it was a gift for me to share the moments of your birth and welcome you into the world with your parents. i wanted to tell you the story of your birth.

that night as i climbed into bed i prayed that you would be born. i had a really good feeling that you would be coming soon - so good that i had all my bags packed and ready to go that night. as a wise laboring mother, your mom and dad took a good half hour walk before going to bed. but you were getting real excited about coming out into the world and your mom's body was responding to you. she was not able to go to sleep, so she took a shower and got into bed. the contractions suddenly would not stop. eventually, her water broke and she knew this time you were serious about coming. your mom called me at 12:45am as they were on the way to west suburban hospital in oak park, il. i arrived there at 1:25am and met them in the triage unit where they had your mom on a monitor to make sure you were doing well.

i knew you were anxious to get here as soon as i arrived and saw your mom. your dad told me your mom labored wonderfully on the thirty-minute car ride - which is no easy feat. she was having a lot of very hard contractions and being hooked up to all those monitors was very uncomfortable. despite that she labored on. i would verbally remind her to relax her body and let it do the work, and she would focus on relaxing her clinched muscles through the contractions. her lower back was really sore, and your dad would massage her back in just the right spot to help her feel better. your mom would moan melodiously through each contraction. when i first arrived both of your parents were very excited. you mom was talking and joking around with me between the contractions. within 15 minutes, the contractions became a lot stronger and longer. they were trying to move her through triage quickly to get her to her room. she asked me several times how much longer i thought it would be until you would be here. i told her that before the sun came up you would be here, but i really did not think it would be that long.

about the time we were ready to move to the room, the midwife - shirley moore - arrived. she was happy to see your mom there, and she decided to check how far along she was before they moved us to the birthing room. your mom was 8cm, which is very far along. everything began to move a lot more quickly, and they were hurrying to get everything set up for your arrival.

changing rooms boosted every one's mood and we all got ready to settle in. it was a great big room with a queen size bed, rocking chair, and a huge birthing tub. along the wall was a cute white, rocking bassinet reminding us of why we were there. you mom went to the bathroom, while your dad and i got out some of the things your mom might need. your dad realized he had forgotten something, but there was never any time for him to go back to the car and get it. we were ready to get down to business. your mom tried to walk around, but you were bearing down on her. we would do one or two contractions in every position - standing and rocking, kneeling alongside the bed, standing with the birth ball on the bed. all the while your dad would patiently massage her lower back, through each contraction, where she was having a lot of pain.

while she was kneeling beside the bed, shirley checked her again and found that she was fully dilated, and told her if she felt like pushing she could. shirley took all of her cues from your mom; she let your mom's body lead us through the process of birth. she was constantly encouraging and focusing your mom on what was coming. it was very hot in the room we were in and your mom was extra hot from all the hard work she was doing. we were trying to cool her down - she would eat ice chips between contractions. putting a cold washcloth on her forehead and neck soothed her. your mom took her time and didn't feel quite ready to push yet.

as she got more tired and shaky you mom felt like lying down. so we all climbed up on the bed. i kept her cool while your dad was telling her what a great job she was doing and was holding her hand, and shirley was encouraging her from her spot at the end of the bed. almost as soon as we got on the bed, your mom was ready to push a little. she would squeeze your dad's hand with both of her hands. i was holding one of her legs and putting some pressure on her back. shirley was encouraging her by telling her how much of your head we could see with each push. during each pushing contraction you mom would yell... after each one she would apologize to all of us for how loud she was being... really it was not that loud it just sounded like she was really doing a lot of hard work with her body. she pushed for about 20 minutes and then out you popped and they caught you and plopped you right onto your mom's belly. your dad cut the cord. they couldn't believe that you were here. we were all telling your mom what a rock star she was to labor so peacefully and to push you out so well. you were born at 2:43am on December 27th. non of us could believe we had only been at the hospital for an hour and a half. your parents took turns holding you, the nurses checked you out and then your mom nursed you for the first time. at first you didn't seem that interested, but then you quickly got the hang of it and latched right on.

you were a special birth for me as you were my last birth before i head into studying to become a midwife. it was a reminder of what a gift of lift God gives us in birth and how special a moment to be a woman and to do what God designed us to do. your birth was very special to your parents because they had wanted you for quite a while and they were thankful for your safe arrival.

one of the meaning of delaney is "descendant of the challenger"... that is what your mom has always been - a challenger - to be the best she can be and help others be their best and make any environment she is put in better. your birth was no exception. she fought every inch of the way to do things the way she thought were healthiest for you and for her. you are also blessed by a dad who actively took time to prepare for you to come. he was ready at every turn to give your mom the encouragement, love and support that she needed. the strength of their marriage is evident in their teamwork in welcoming you into the world, and what a blessing to be born into a family who loves each other and works for each other to become their best. may this be the beginning of a journey of discovering who God designed you to be.

in his hands,

kristie

transcending

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_4qwVLqt9Q

my friend kristie sent me this youtube video this week. it made me weep.

friendship is such a valuable thing. as i have walked through the past few weeks, it has been one of the things that has gotten me through. when i've been low or discouraged, i turn the corner and am met with encouragement from a friend. cards, emails, phone calls, they have all given me the boost that i needed.

last thursday, i was fortunate to be in town for an event that i had been looking forward to. you see, about once a month, three of my sweet friends and myself get together for a girls only grown-up dinner. each time i leave these dinners, i feel refreshed, enlightened, encouraged and well, it makes the load that each of us carry seem more bearable. we've shared our secrets, our hopes and ambitions, our breast pump, hand-me-downs... the list goes on. these our my girls that "know" me, not much that i can hide from them because they see right through me and love me in spite of me.

these girls helped me celebrate the pregnancy of delaney with a surprise baby shower, they cared for my family during a miscarriage a few years back, one of them even served as a doula during the birth of delaney. and while i was in richmond a week ago, they designed and ordered my christmas cards. i am truly blessed. and as i reflect on their role (and the roles of so many other wonderful women in my life- you know who you are and i could not walk this path without each of you!), i am filled with thankfulness.

my mom's accident took place on thanksgiving- and while i had a lot of things to be thankful for on that day, i feel them in a whole different way on this day. and so here is my thanksgiving posting. this year, i am thankful for friendship- with these three wonderful girlies (jodi, janet, and kristie) and for so many others.

josh

yesterday i spent some time reflecting on my beautiful nephew joshua. six years ago (yesterday) he left the loving arms of his family to be embraced by an even bigger love. it's hard to imagine that anyone could love him more than my sister stacy did, but it's true. our Saviour's love is the biggest love that their is and His embrace is the only one true thing that we can count on. He will not let you go if you choose Him.

in my remembering, i pulled out the reading that my sister selected for me to read at josh's funeral. it was a passage that had been shared with her as she walked the journey knowing she would be giving up her son prematurely. it was filled with truth and brought her comfort as she faced her trials. i could write for days on the lessons that my sister and her family taught me during this difficult period, i could describe the faith that they possess, the posture of surrender that they willingly took, the peace that guarded their hearts... i'm not sure you'd believe me if i told you because it was unimaginable. watching this family walking deep in pain and being carried by the truth of the cross was a profound experience for me.

and as i face the trial of my mother and think of the trial that stands before her, i reflect back on what i learned through my piece of the trial of joshua. and so today, i will share the reading from joshy's funeral:

some time ago, a few ladies met in a certain city to read the scriptures and make them the subject of conversation. while reading the third chapter of malachi, they came upon a remarkable expression in the third verse:

"He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."

one lady's opinion of this verse was that it was intended to convey the view of the sanctifying influence of the grace of Christ. she decided to visit a silversmith and report to her group what he said on the subject.

she went accordingly, and without telling the object of her errand begged to know the process of refining silver, which he fully described to her.

but sir, do you sit while the work of the refining is going on?

oh yes, madam, i must sit with my eye steadily fixed on the furnace, for if the time necessary for the refining be exceeded in the slightest degree, the silver will be injured.

the lady at once saw the beauty and the comfort too, of the expression.

"He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."

Christ sees a need to put His children into the furnace; His eye is steadily intent on the work of purifying, and His wisdom and love are both engaged in the best manner for us.

our trials do not come at random, for it says in mathew 10:30 that "the very hairs of your head are all numbered".

as the lady from the bible study was leaving the silversmith's shop, the silversmith called her back. he said he had forgotten to mention that the only way he knows when the process of purifying is complete is when he sees his own image reflected in the silver. becoming conformed to the image of Christ is a process. each of us is a work in progress. perhaps you can see that you are more patient, more caring, more peaceful in the midst of adversity. when troubles come, you trust more than you once did and you cling to promises such as:

"and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose. for those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son." (romans 8:28-29)

the "good" is becoming like Jesus. this takes a lifetime. and even then, the process will not be complete until we see Him face to face.

joshua is now in complete perfection, in heaven, face to face with the refiner.

pat the pilot

i left my mom's bedside on sunday afternoon. in my departure, in spite of her lack of clarity that day, my mom began to pray for me. it is in these moments when she connects with the Holy Spirit that i see true glimpses into the woman that she was before the accident. she prayed for my family and praised God for their willingness to be without me for a few days, for my travel and then she spent a few minutes praying for the pilot of my plane. i was running late and she was beginning to ramble and loose track of her thoughts and so my aunt amy and i wrapped up the prayer for her by saying "amen". i kissed her cheek and reluctantly left for the airport.

once at the airport, i made my way to my gate. i detoured to the ladies room to freshen up and gain composure. as i exited the restroom, a pilot made eye contact with me.

pilot: how are you today, ma'am?

me: i'm ok.

pilot: just ok? what's the matter?

and so i proceeded to give this complete stranger the short version of my reality.

pilot: my name's pat. where you headed?

me: chicago

pilot: oh, well it looks like we'll be traveling together. i'll be the one way up front. what's your mom's name?

me: (suddenly feeling choked up as i remembered my last few moments with my mom) sandra.

pilot: i'm gonna be praying for sandra then. and you, what's your name?

me: tasha... (and then the story tumbled out of my mouth. i told him about my mom praying for me and for him moments before i left her side.)

pilot: (face grinning ear to ear) well look at that! she prayed for me and now i'm going to pray for the two of you. is my collar straight?

i looked at his collar and discovered that he was wearing a cross with praying hands in the center.

God is good. he has shown up at every bend of this journey so far and i say with certainty, that he is walking this path with us. he is walking this path with her. and when she reaches out to him, he covers her and displays his great peace and most blessed assurance that she is in his hands. when we pray, when we ask God to meet the deepest desires of our hearts, He shows up. people are joining us on this journey, even strangers like the pilot of a plane from richmond to chicago. will you join us?

hart upper elementary project

in an effort to distract my mind this weekend and keep things as "normal" as possible for the girls, we went ahead and put up the christmas trees. we went to a lot hosted by the local ymca and picked out our frasier fur. it is beautiful, in my opinion. as we were selecting it, we noticed that attached to the tree was a zip lock baggie with a postcard inside. this is what the card said:

hi!

this christmas tree is from hart, michigan. we are studying michigan's natural resources in our 4th grade social studies. would you please return this postcard to us to let us know where you purchased the this tree? our classes will be charting the locations of where the trees are sold and our students are anxious to hear back from you and your family. feel free to include any other information that you would like. thank you very much!! merry christmas and happy new year.

well that tipped the scales for this former 4th grade teacher turned, full-time momma! we snatched it up and were thrilled to be able to report back to these young students. and by the way, hats off to this team of teachers that are making an effort to make learning memorable and fun at the same time. i can just imagine that being a student working on this project would be very exciting.

happy data collecting!

and just to keep things fun... can you guess which tree is the real tree and which one is our artificial tree?

(i know two trees is a bit excessive, i'll make up for it in other ways. we have just always loved the smell of the real deal wafting through our home. we decided that one tree is sizeable enough of an eco-footprint, so bought the fake guy last year.)

our daily bread

i will begin with a confession. for the past few months, i have been in a spiritual funk. my bible hasn't been open with much regularity. my mind hasn't been dwelling on Christ and my attitude has been pretty poor. i've been tired, frustrated, and sometimes angry. i've sort of been blaming it on the hormonal adjustment that comes when the body completes nursing a little one. but regardless of the reason, that's been my mental state as of late.

hearing about my mom, while in this state, with such distance in my heart from God, has been difficult. i've had a hard time running to His feet with my thoughts, my petitions and letting Him be my comforter and source of strength.

a side story:

from the first day i can recall until the last day i lived in my mother's home, we had family devotions. as a family, right before dinner, we would read the bible passage and daily reading found in our daily bread. afterwards, we would pray together. we would each pick a topic of prayer and then take turns praying out loud. this happened every day, regardless of the circumstances. it happened if we had friends over, it happened if someone was sick, and interruptions weren't really allowed. the phone could ring, someone could knock at the door... it didn't matter. my mother decided early on that it was a priority and that this time together was sacred. it happened everyday from my infancy until i left for college.

yesterday, as i was walking out of church, i glimpsed a stack of our daily bread out of the corner of my eye. i grabbed one, thinking that it would be a good activity for she and i to do together each day when i get to the hospital. i tucked it into my purse and went on my way.

now back to the first story i was telling:
last night i woke up in the middle of the night unable to sleep. i wanted to pray, but since thursday, my prayers have been hard. i need a miracle right now. God, fortunately, still performs them. and yet, i am aware that for the past few weeks, i have been pushing God away to the fringe. i talk to Him, sure, but it just hasn't been the same. i have been wrestling with the hypocrisy that i feel- pushing God away and then suddenly calling on Him because i really need Him. i never wanted my relationship with God to get to that point. i long to be faithful, to be worshipful in everything, to be close to Him no matter what the circumstances may be. He is too magnificent to be reduced to my "santa in the sky" that i call on only in crisis and only when i want something from Him.

but my heart really wanted to pray. and so in the dark of my room, i prayed. the word pray sounds reverent- what i did, was a little less than that. i cried out and let God know just where i was. that i am frustrated, confused, and lonely. that i've been wondering where He has been these past few weeks and that i don't like the compartment in which i have placed Him.

and you know what, as i prayed, as i cried out to my sweet Jesus, it became abundantly clear. He has been there all along. and do you know what else, i felt this sweep of compassion cover me. it was clear to me that God can handle all of the emotions that i am feeling. He's big enough to shoulder my frustration, He's loving enough to understand my pain, and He is full of forgiveness big enough to cover the distance i have placed in our relationship. He doesn't hold grudges and He reaches out in that instant, the one where we turn to face Him, and he embraces us.

this morning, like every morning since the accident, i called my sisters to get the morning report. today's news just didn't sound good. the doctors had decided that she wasn't strong enough to endure the surgery needed to place the pins in her broken hand. her confusion has increased a bit and she is more unsure about where she is or the reality of the moment. she is also experiencing a lot of discomfort. since she is already limited by her physical handicap that resulted from the aneurysm, there are fewer positions that she can be in. her legs are cramping up, her hips are sore, and she is overall uncomfortable.

after talking to my sisters, i put delaney in her chair for some breakfast. ellie was still asleep and it was just the two of us sitting in the silence while she ate. i couldn't stop thinking about the copy of our daily bread in my purse. i went and pulled it out and opened up my bible, asking God for Him to speak to me. i just needed something to hold onto. i started to read the excerpt for december 1st and then remembered i was supposed to read the scripture passage first. i flipped in my bible to the passage for today:

2 corinthians 4:7-18
"if you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. we carry this precious message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. that's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us. as it is, there's not much chance of that. you know for yourselves that we're not much to look at. we've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken. what they did to Jesus, they do to us- trial and torture, mockery and murder; what Jesus did among them, he does in us- he lives! our lives are at constant risk for Jesus' sake, which makes Jesus' life all the more evident in us. while we're going through the worst, you're getting in on the best! we're not keeping this quiet, not on your life. just like the psalmist who wrote, "i believed it, so i said it," we say what we believe. and what we believe is that the One who raised up the Master Jesus will just as certainly raise us up with you, alive. every detail works to your advantage and to God's glory; more and more grace, more and more people, more and more praise! so we're not giving up. how could we! even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace.

i read these words and began to weep. my father, Jesus, knew exactly what i needed. He didn't keep it from me, but pored it out there for me, the minute that i was willing to receive it. and He didn't do in just any old way. He used the same little old devotional that i grew up with. the one i haven't read in years, but always makes me think of my sweet momma and her dedication to raising her girls in The Truth. and as i am here in chicago, away from my mother, for another day, i will cling to these words. as i board the plane tomorrow night to go and be with her, i will cling to these words. as i sit by her side, when it's time for me to leave, with each decision, with each step forward, with each slide back, i will cling to these words.

*above is that picture of my mom and i when i was born, right before she went in to surgery. my aunt sharon posted it on her blog for me.

my mother cont'd

the first picture taken of my mother and i was taken shortly after i was born, right before she was wheeled into the operating room for major surgery. in that photo, my mother had a beautiful head of thick brown, shiny hair. the next photo to be taken of me and my mother is months later. she is wearing a scarf to cover her shaven head.

i don't know why this image has been in my mind so much these past few days. it is one of those things that as my mind wanders, my thoughts drift to my sweet momma, laying in a hospital bed hundreds of miles away, keeps coming forth into my thoughts.

i'll start at the beginning.

33 years ago, almost exactly, my mother was pregnant with little old me. she was fixing dinner for my two older sisters and just didn't feel right. she went to lay down on the couch because she felt really bad. as the story goes, she was taken to the hospital where they discovered that she was suffering from a brain aneurysm. the doctors weren't certain what the extent of the damage was on her or me, but they knew they needed to operate immediately. they also knew that they couldn't perform brain surgery on a pregnant woman. i was birthed in a hurry, in an effort to save her life. once stable from childbirth, she was taken into surgery to remove the aneurysm. months passed, several surgeries took place and somehow months later, this stubborn and very determined woman returned home to her family. and while her body was very altered physically, she persevered and defied the odds. with much therapy, she walked with the assistance of a cane, in spite of her physical paralysis in her left arm and leg. and aside from some minor short-term memory issues, she regained full mental health.

this is the first miracle that i witnessed in my life.

faith for me has always hinged on that miracle. from the first day of my existence, God proved to be faithful. he saved me, he saved my mother. he made the impossible possible.

on thanksgiving night, my mother, visiting her sister in richmond, decided to take a walk. walking and praying are one of my mothers favorite things. she walks each morning and talks to her friend, Jesus. he is her lifeline. and so as i picture her walking that early evening, i know she was not alone, but rather deep in conversation with her father above. suddenly she was struck by a vehicle, knocking her to the ground. she was taken by ambulance to the hospital. the details of that ride, those first moments at the hospital, the initial prognosis, i do not know. i just know that things were pretty grim. her brain was bleeding, her body badly bruised- you see she sustained major impact on her usable body parts. the doctors anticipated having to go in surgically to relieve the pressure on her brain from where the blood was pooling.

in the middle of the night, my sister stacy arrived at her bedside. my mom was in a rough state and things did not look good. we would wait until morning for the next ct scan to see how the bleeding was going. but from my sisters description, things didn't sound very optimistic and it appeared that my mom's memory was altered.

hours passes as my sister and her husband prayed with her, stroked her pale cheeks and massaged her legs. morning came and the doctors came by to do their rounds. another ct scan was given. and while the scan didn't look good, her body, her physical progress spoke hope to them. you see, while the scan didn't show much change from the night before and suggested that surgery might still be necessary, her speech, her increased memory, her coloring, her vitals all indicated that she was making tremendous progress. one doctor even commented that the scan and the patient didn't match. he was amazed at her progress. there isn't much explanation, unless you believe in miracles.

and so today, 24 hours post accident, i stand in that miracle. she is alive. she is showing some progress. the road ahead looks like it will be long, but i know that she, my sisters, and i won't have to walk it alone. i know that the same God that brought her out from under the cloud of a brain aneurysm will walk with us through this too.

my mother

http://musesandmudderings.blogspot.com/2008/11/life-changes-in-heartbeat.html

i can't really find the words, but the blog above tells the unfortunate story. pray. my sweet momma needs to be surrounded by angels right now. i am certain that she is.

a new era

i swore when barack obama won the democratic nomination that i would not let emotion sway my voting. i was determined that i wanted to cast a vote for the most qualified man, the one that would be best equipped at handling the problems that we face today. and so i went through this entire election period totally oblivious to the fact that an african-american was running. really. i know that is hard to believe, but having the wrong black man in office could do more damage than having one at all and i wanted to consider the entire package.

and so last night, as i was watching the media coverage of grant park, it suddenly hit me. tears were falling freely down jesse jacksons face. he has fought his entire life for this moment. as obama gave his speech, it became even more profound for me... this is a culmination of years of blood sweat and tears for so many in our nation.

my mind began to drift to my former students. i can only imagine the possibility that their eyes will now see. for my black, inner-city chicago students, this is a role model that they can tangibly experience. he demonstrates the opportunity that can go hand in hand with working hard. for my immigrant students in atlanta, he epitomizes the hope that brought them from their native land to this land of opportunity. it is amazing!

and so regardless of how you voted, i hope you, like myself, see that the audacity of hope is a powerful thing. something that will positively change the eyes of our young and the potential that lies before them.

my mind also wandered to my dear friend camia. back in june, camia appealed to the board of education for an opportunity to take some of her students to washington, d.c. for the presidential inauguration. twenty four african-american students from her school will travel with her to see barack obama be sworn in as president. i can only imagine how this will effect them and transform their lives. and for that transformation, for that opportunity, i am thrilled with the outcome of this election.

if you'd like to donate to the trip that these wonderful children will be taking, mail a check to:
Frazier Prep
4027 W. Grenshaw
Chicago, IL 60624

in the memo line, write D.C. trip. any amount would be a huge help to help this amazing trip take place.

an end to the season

i took this picture last week. right before the first frost was scheduled to arrive, i pulled out all the remaining tomatoes and removed all the plants from my garden bed. can you believe how many there are? overall, i think that my first gardening experience was successful, fun and definitely educational.

and now, i am left with my big basket of fruit. i wish that i could just preserve it and have this beautiful centerpiece for a while, but i don't think that the tomatoes will cooperate with that plan. and so now i am in search of the best fried green tomato recipe out there. i tried one with a cornmeal crust that was crispy but just mediocre in the taste department. i have also tried one with a panko and dill crust that is then topped with a cucumber relish. tasty, but not quite perfect. any suggestions?

a little laugh at our expense

some funny snippets from our house as of late...



d is really into fresh fruit. with her limited chewing ability (6 front teeth don't break down much), i've been trying to scour the supermarket for find some variety in her fruit course. this week, i picked up some kiwi. ellie, ever the picky eater, has not seen a kiwi in our shopping basket in years. she was riding in the back of the cart trying to keep her body from coming into contact with the rough, brown fruit. as we turned a corner she yelled out (totally serious and very concerned), "mom, get the bikini! it is falling on me!"

(maybe less funny and more gross): our little d, who has had an obsession with toes for some time as turned her obsession in a new direction. now our little girl wanders the house in search of the toes belonging to other people. e, always up for a good laugh, like to dangle her little tootsies in front of d's face in hopes of getting a nibble. d, usually up for taking the bait, spends more time than this momma would like, with e's toes on their way into her mouth.

baby sounds

i have no idea why, but seeing little babes push strollers just melts my heart. here's a little glimpse into the emerging personality of our little d. aren't her little noises just too much? i can't get enough!

mccain is a pain and a momma not sure about obama

earlier today i published a post about my current state of being (not good) and how listening to a wonderful song (only hope by caedmon's call) helped me see the light. after publishing the post, i was disappointed in my inability to upload a video from you tube. i called my sister and asked her to walk me through the process. i am certain that she knew what she was talking about and i am also certain that i am a technological misfit. in spite of her attempts to teach me, i somehow deleted the entire posting. i couldn't go back and re-write it. it was hard enough to write the first time. and so instead, you get this...


i have not posted on the presidential election. because of this, it would be easy to conclude that i am not politically minded or interested in the election. the truth is the exact opposite. i have been engrossed in politics since i was in high-school. as far as this current election is concerned, i have not missed a single debate, going all the way back to the primary debates. in addition, i have a news tv obsession that could land me in therapy. i am obsessed with this presidential election.

recently, a friend of mine posted a face book status update about how her obama signs keep disappearing from her front lawn. during the same weekend, my mother-in-law reported that her mccain signs are walking off during the night. i joked about it and said i was going to vote based on the candidate whose signs i saw the most. and then i thought about that statement.

it has been bouncing back and forth between my ears for a few weeks. i am left with the question of, "what purpose do these signs have in the first place?". i mean really, in an age where most of the population is trying to save our little planet and preserve our natural resources for future generations, do we really need the signs. aren't they just one short step away from the landfill that doesn't have any more room? does seeing that your neighbor is voting one way really have an impact on how YOU will vote? in fact, it is rather divisive. i like my neighbors just fine. since we moved in almost two years ago, i thought we were very like minded. until i saw their lawn become cluttered with signs supporting this guy, that guy, and that other guy running for office. suddenly, i have a few question marks raised in my mind about them.

ultimately, it is pure waste. environmentally damaging waste to be precise. i don't think that they impact the race in any way. and while i am certain that there is some pole published that would prove me wrong, i don't really care how a stranger down the street is voting. isn't that why we pay for the little curtain around the voting booth? it is a personal matter. and while i am very open to public discussion of why one might vote for one candidate over another, the signs eliminate the discussion.

i was thinking about a solution- maybe we attach a little recording device to the signs where the poster records a 45 second clip on why they support the particular candidate. that, i could get behind. that would maybe have impact. but the signs alone, well, i am hereby declaring that i am anti candidate signs.

and while i am on the topic of the presidential election, i would like to say that i am a little miffed. as mentioned earlier, i watched every debate intently and have done so for years. this is the first year that i can recall not hearing more details on a variety of topics. i know that a responsible voter will do their homework, but let's be honest, not everyone falls into that category. what has happened to topics like education, immigration, plans for farmers, state accountability, plans to truly balance the budget... the list goes on. some of those things were asked of the candidates, but most of those questions were left very unanswered. i am pretty clear on their foreign policy agenda and their tax agenda, but isn't the president responsible for so much more? i am a few short weeks away from casting my ballot, and overall, i am still very much hungry for the real meat of each candidate's plan. go to their web sites and check it out for yourself. if you dig around long enough, you'll find answers. short answers that don't really explain much.

i'll end with one of scott's favorite movie lines...

you want answers?

i want the TRUTH!

you can't handle the TRUTH!

d- on the go.

d's been walking now for almost a month. i have spent a great deal of time trying to get a decent video of her taking these precious first steps, but with marginal success. you see, d's biggest priority is keeping up with big sister. today, e was distracted in her room and d was toddling down the hallway. i grabbed the camera quickly, but as soon as i started to get some footage, d heard her sister behind door number 1. and while, this girl just knows that dropping to her knees is the fastest way to keep up. and so down she went in search of her favorite family member.

more to come

i am in a writers rut these days. please don't abandon the blog just yet. i promise some postings are in the works:)

on the go

well, you are just going to have to take my word for it because little d does not care to perform for the camera. but i am here to report that my little girlie took her first steps today. sh did it twice behind my back for her daddy and then several times for all of us right before bed tonight. i ran for the camera to take a video, and that cheeky girl just refused to show off. the minute i filmed, she dropped to her knees and crawled right for the camera. the minute i turned the camera off, she was stepping all over the place. she is in the beginning stages- two steps and then she falls down, stands up again, and starts it all over. this momma is really in trouble now!

a small change for the momma

here is a snap of my new cut. i went in for a trim today and walked out about 7 inches lighter:)

refinishing

i've been working on stripping a piece of furniture and then staining it. the piece was a hand-me-down that i have been meaning to re-do for a few years, but our city dwelling lacked the space for projects of this caliber. here we are a year and a half into residing in our "new" abode... and i'm just getting around to it.

first, i should tell you a little bit about the piece. it is a solid wood cabinet probably built sometime between 1930 and 1940. it's pretty basic, but does have some nice beveled edges on the front. (you can tell by my description, that this is not my area of expertise.) somewhere along the way, it was painted cream. the hardware was replaced and some pretty modern, sleek, brushed silver handles replaced whatever it once had. with time, the cream paint began to yellow in certain patches. one of the feet looks like it might have been damaged in a move, as it is missing a pretty sizable chunk of wood. it wobbles a little bit. and while it might not necessarily be the best piece of furniture to refinish, there is something about it that i love. there is also a lot to be said for the amount of money we will save in refinishing it instead of replacing it. and so it became a candidate for the refinishing process.

right before i started the process, i became a little gun shy. not really knowing what lies beneath the paint is a little scary and as soon as you apply the first drop of stripper, there is no going back. it made me pause and ask myself if i really wanted to commit the time and effort into this piece. but i took that first step and began down the road of refinishing. the process is quite tedious. first, you paint on a stripping chemical. after letting it sit for 30 minutes, you take a plastic putty knife and scrape. this process is repeated a mind numbing amount of times. and it isn't a pretty process, either. it is up to your elbows, dirty, toxic work. with each application of stripper, you can watch the layers of paint bubble up and soften a little bit. and with each scraping, more and more of the paint eventual surrenders and loosens up a bit.

eventually, you are left with a really ugly piece of furniture. it is mostly free of the paint, but it is covered with residue from the stripping chemical and there are little spots of paint that just refused to loosen and globs of paint that somehow became hardened to the surface. and through all of the muck, you can kind of see what lies beneath.

this is when the "clean-up" process begins. basically, you apply another chemical and then go to town, scrubbing off the nasty. again, it is stinky, laborious work that requires a lot of sweat and arm muscle to see your way to the end. oh, my arm would ache after each treatment. this time, with each treatment, a little bit more beauty is revealed. each time, it gets a little bit closer to clean. and then suddenly, you are left with a "naked" piece of wood, put back into it's original state- the way it was designed to be.

i started this process in august before we left for the beach. i moved the base of the piece back into my living room last night. the drawers and cabinet doors are still a work in progress. this has been quite a time commitment for such a simple piece. and yet, when i look at the almost finished piece, i smile. i am delighted with the result and know that it is the perfect vessel for storing my china in, while also looking chic. it is simple, beautiful and restored.

as i scraped and scrubbed layer after layer, my mind began to drift. i began to compare myself to the wooden chest. i began to think of it in terms of my relationship with my saviour. once upon a time, i was born (with sin thanks to my ancestors adam and eve). and at that time, i was in my most raw and untouched state. through the years, i began to cover myself with the layers of paint. with each choice i made independent of God's will for me, created thicker layers and embellishments on my heart (the handles, the nick in the leg, the stains).

and then one day, i decided to become restored. i made a choice to walk away from the layers of paint and to walk towards the greatest refinisher that there is. i chose a life with Jesus. i liken it to the moment i put on the first application of stripper. and each time i read my bible, each time i talk to God, each moment that i open my heart to Him i am applying the next application. and that putty knife, while that is just like the Holy Spirit. without it, the chemicals can't do their job. you can put all the chemical you want onto the surface, but without the opening of the heart and allowing the transformation to take place, nothing changes. but oh, when you allow the Holy Spirit to work, those layers begin to shed. you will certainly be restored.

and just like my chest, i don't look for a likely candidate for restoration. i am filled with flaws and i am sure in many people's opinion, God would be better off just getting someone new to fill the purpose that He had planned for me. i have missed the mark so many times. but just like my desire to see this piece be made anew, God desires that for me... for you... for each person that He has created. He doesn't want to leave us at the curb and go out and replace us, He wants us to be the person He designed us to be. He has a role for each of us, a specific purpose, and if we are willing to let Him, He will meet us right where we are. isn't that beautiful? in spite of our flaws He LONGS for us to be restored.

it doesn't happen over night, and it doesn't happen if you don't stick with it. with each application of God's word, and with each penetration of the heart that the Holy Spirit is waiting eagerly for, you see shavings of your layers falling away and you see the beauty of His design unfolding. i am a work in progress. i have a long way to go, but i long for the day when i am face to face with The Father and i am fully restored. it won't happen in this lifetime, i am a human that fell with the whole race, but this process is worth all of the effort.

watch out broadway, e's on her way!

last week i was in target buying a few necesities. when we arrived at the checkout, the endcap was filled with movies on sale for $7.50. hating to bypass such a bargain, i stopped to see if there were any titles that we might like to own. one of my favorite childhood movies, annie, was among the selection. i snatched it up quick and told e she was in for a treat. until VERY recently, we have not allowed e to watch many movies. she's been limited to veggietales. a few months ago, my mother-in-law gave her mary poppins. she really enjoyed it. and so i became a little more open to new movies. i should also note, that if i have to watch another episode of the backyardigans, i might self-destruct... making me even more open.

anyways, e has been enjoying her new movie. she has taken to calling me grace, scott daddy warbucks and has adopted the new persona of annie. as for d, she gets to play the role of sandy.
she watches the movie wearing her olympic gymnastic suit and adorns her neck with a "locket" (a beaded flower necklace that she found stashed in her jewlery box). she also likes to wear brown socks. here is her first solo act.

hoorAAaaAAy!

oh, boy! is this former teacher turned mother ever in for some trouble? why yes she is!

e has a little tote that she takes back and forth to school. the identical tote bag is given to each child when they enroll in the school and its purpose is similar to, say, a mailbox. if you have a note for the teacher, a tuition check, or an item to donate to the class, you put it into above mentioned tote. the teacher checks the totes each day, removes the contents and then refills the tote with any items that the school has for you (ie. artwork, newsletters, invoices, work completed in class...) the contents of the tote today concerned me. first, it was crumpled up. second, it had A's and a's all over the place in a random pattern that made this "type A" dizzy. third, the type of a's that were on it, aren't the same font that is taught in the local kindergarten. yikes! just writing that out, makes me see how crazy i am. but for the first time, it's my kid. and suddenly, i see myself turning into eric mcarthy's mother (the mom that drove me the most nuts during my third year of teaching because she thought she knew how to do my job way better than i ever could)! oh, my!

another content from the tote was an assignment. yes, e came home from school today with some "homework". and while i could write an entire entry on that fact alone, this entry isn't about the actual receiving of the homework on the preschool level. it's about the execution of homework.

her bag contained a three page packet of letter writing worksheets. my first thought was, "did everyone get one of these, or just my little angel?" i know, again, writing it out makes me see just how difficult of a mom i am going to be. and i promise you, i will fight these urges tooth and nail because no teacher deserves to deal with this little 'ol teacher turned momma. but i would be lying if i didn't admit the thought crossed my mind.

now you must know that my little e was ecstatic about the homework. it was her first assignment of its kind and receiving it made her feel big, mature and very grown-up. the first chance she had, she wanted to tackle that homework. so much so, that her page almost became a replica of the first page extracted from the tote (see photo above). this momma, not willing to let her babe make "A's" with reckless abandon, and more concerned about precision, had to do a little intervening.

and while i intervened, i saw the micromanaging mother for what she can be, a pain in the tush! and so i decided to step back a little bit. i chose to give her a few tips and then to just step back and let e be e. it was hard! as she rapidly made A's and a's all over her paper with great fervor, i decided to close my eyes and just join in with her enthusiasm. i decided to let go of my need for perfection and to celebrate her enthusiasm for letter making. does it really matter if her A's have curvy sides? at this stage in the education, can an a be lopsided and disconnected from its stem? what really matters is that she is trying, that she cares about learning to make letters and that she is strengthening those fine motor skills just by picking up the pencil.

and just look at her proud little self! she is thrilled- thrilled that she has made letters, thrilled that she has just participated in her first homework assignment, and thrilled with her learning!


and isn't that what learning is all about? yes, it is going to be a long road for this momma. but one thing is for sure, my little e is going to keep it interesting and very exciting.

an outstretched hand

i took e into the city today to attend two of her friends birthday parties. (i know, keeping up with her social calendar is quite a challenge!) anyways, it was poring all day. my windshield wipers just couldn't keep up and traffic was horrendous. there were accidents all along the way and cars were moving at a snails pace in an effort to see the road. we traveled along this way until we reached the edge of downtown. up until this point, there is really only one way to go. but when you reach the edge of "the loop" you can choose which way to go. there are two main options. you can take congress straight across the loop until you hit the lake and then travel along a beautiful stretch of lake shore drive that highlights some of my favorite sights in chicago. the other alternative is taking lower wacker. lower wacker is a stretch of road that travels under the city. literally. you drive in a tunnel that travels adjacent to the chicago river from the western to the northern side of the loop.


until recently, i always opted for lake shore drive. it was reminiscent of the time when i fell in love with chicago. it highlights the sear's tower, navy pier, buckingham fountain, and of course, the beautiful sights of lake michigan. there was something about this route that made me miss my city and fondly remember special moments from my newlywed years with scott.


and then i discovered lower wacker. a friend of mine suggested it because it was a shortcut. always loving to shave off a few minutes from the drive, i began to take this subterranean route. something unusual has started happening to me as i travel this path, though. something unexpected. each time as i dip down below the surface, my heart begins to ache.


you see, lower wacker is where the homeless set up camp. in the winter, they go beneath the city because they can benefit from the exhaust from the heating systems. as each high-rise pumps heat into their buildings, the exhaust is vented out onto lower wacker, making it stinky... and warm. also in the winter, it is free from snowfall. in the summer, it offers shade from the noonday sun and a somewhat dark place to catch a nap. and today, it offered an escape from the torrential downpours.


as e and i traveled to our posh little parties, i noticed men huddled up under blankets, barely dressed. their soaked clothing and humble belongings were laid out in an attempt to dry them using the vents. i found myself wiping tears from my eyes.


you see, in a big city like chicago, you meet panhandlers everywhere you turn. they wait outside of starbucks, walgreens and the el stations, hoping to get a few bucks. every time you run your normal errands, someone is there asking for your change. you become hardened to it to some extent, because you realize that in the grand scheme of things, there is little you have to offer. sure, you can give them the remaining 64 cents while you walk off with your tasty frapacino. but at the next corner, when you walk out with your prescription drugs or your organic fillet to throw on the barbecue later that night, you'll be met with another outstretched hand. and somehow, it's easy to stop seeing them as people and to start looking the other way. and the rumors! man, everywhere you turn you read articles about the exorbitant living that some of these guys make just be getting the change from tourists on michigan avenue.


today, nobody was asking me for my change. nobody wanted to wash my windshield and nobody was trying to sell me a streetwise (a homeless publication that tries to give them a dignified way to obtain cash). today, the people that i saw were just trying to get dry. they were going about their daily life, minding their own business. and it was in this experience, this five minutes of my drive, that i saw into their world in a whole new way. i saw their struggle, when they didn't think anybody was looking. i saw their weary eyes, wondering without the benefit of the weather channel, when this rain was going to let up. i saw their tired bodies yearning for a pillow to lay their head on. and it broke my heart.

i was going to end this entry here. and yet it isn't the end of this experience for me.

being a woman of action, i used the time when e was at the party to go buy a few bags of socks, t-shirts and granola bars. i used to be a part of this organization in atlanta that met weekly with the homeless and did their best to get specifically requested items into the hands that needed them. do you know what they always asked for? warm socks, boxer shorts, an extra pair of tennis shoes.

and as i walked out of the cvs with my bag full of items, i was met by a man selling streetwise. i gave him my little remaining cash (a measly five bucks) and then we chatted for a few minutes. he thanked me for the money, but really seemed more enthusiastic about talking for a few minutes. he seemed lonely and greatly in need of some conversation. after a few minutes, i asked him if he needed some warm socks. his face lit up! his crooked posture straightened slightly. his eyes sparkled a bit and i think i detected a little bit of joy. i gave him the coveted socks and he walked over to his backpack to tuck them safely inside.

ma'am, you have no idea how nice those socks are gonna' feel at the end of this long wet day! thank you. thank you! God bless you.

and then on our way back out of the city, i prepped e. i told her that if we saw anybody hanging out on lower wacker, we were going to pull over and hand them a little bag of stuff to help them out. she was intrigued!


why do they live on lower wacker??? don't they have cozy beds??? granola bars??? for dinner???
we had a long talk about homelessness and then prayed that God would put the right people in our path that he wanted us to help, if that were His will. and then we drove down onto lower wacker. and as we drove, we didn't see a single person. i don't know if they had been asked to move along by the police or if they were headed to the neighboring churches that pass out warm meals. it was odd. i was a little frustrated because i had been eager to help out... and e was full of questions! man, did she drill me the whole way home.

after getting home and thinking things over, i realized that this did serve a good purpose for me. sometimes, it isn't about the actual "helping" but more about the heart transformation that goes along with it. sure, i could have passed out socks and gone home feeling like i'd really pitched in. but more importantly, my eyes are refreshed. i am tuned back into the heart of the man, and have put a stop to seeing past the outstretched hand. my heart is more in tune with the individual, rather than the helplessness of trying to put a dent into the homeless issue.

and i thought back to the one man who did cross my path. as i was snuggled up on my couch watching a movie in my warm house last night, i listened to the rain beating down on my windows. as this happened, it hit me. God really DID bless me. not because i gave a man socks, but for some reason that i can't explain and may not know in this lifetime. but what i do with my blessing, while that's what really matters.

look mamma, no hands!

and wasn't it just a minute ago that my little d was finding her feet? now, she is standing up all by her little self. she hasn't taken a step yet, but man-oh-man, she's thinking about it! any bets as to when this little girlie will start walking?

the birthday party

on saturday, my sweet baby turned 4! i don't know why 4 feels so old to me. i didn't feel like this last year, and i don't remember feeling it at 2, but somehow, 4 feels old. she's getting big before my eyes! on thursday on our trip to ed debevics, i gave her an early birthday gift. it was the olympic gymnastics suit pictured above. she put it on the minute we arrived home on from our lunch outing, and has worn it ever since. somehow she decided that she would wear the matching scrunchy around her ankle. it was a big hit. she wore it to target. she wore it to whole foods. she wore it out to dinner... you get the picture. i have had to force her to cover it up with pants, but that's about as far as she'll go. if you see me out about town in the next few weeks, i think you'll spot me quickly. anyways, we had a party at her gymnastics school with 20 of her friends. 20! (scott commented at the party that she has more friends at 4 than he has had in his entire life. and he even noticed that each one really does have a special place in her life.)
e had a blast! she jumped in "the pit", she climbed on the inflatable obstacle course, she swung on the bars, she bounced high on the trampoline... you get the picture.
after an hour and a half in the gym, the kids were red cheeked, thirsty and ready for cake! and when we got home she had the most amazing gifts to open! here is just a small sampling of some of her favorites. it was a fun day. we are grateful for our little girlie, we are thankful that she is surrounded by wonderful friends, and are eager to see this special babes life unfold. we just wish we could slow it down a tiny bit.

almost 4

where does the time go? my little e is turning 4 on saturday. 4! she is getting so big and maturing so fast. i love watching this happen, but oh, i wish i could slow down just a wee little bit. there are certain moments, certain accomplishments that i just want to freeze in time and savor.

we live on a metra stop. the same tracks are also used by amtrak and a freight train line. just about everywhere we go, we travel across the tracks. often, we are stopped to let one of these trains pass through our town. when we moved here last year, e was SO EXCITED. i remember thinking, "i wonder how long the thrill of the train will last". a year and a half later, i can report, it is still a HUGE joy to my little girlie. she loves watching the lights to see if a train is coming, she gets giddy when the big arm comes down to stop traffic, and she eagerly guesses at which type of train is about to come through. she yells it out with precision. MOM, IT'S A METRA!

and so today, to kick off her birthday celebration, we added to a tradition. last year, e and i drove downtown to meet daddy for a birthday lunch. this year, we took the train. (in the pouring rain, i might add.) and oh, the excitement that my girlie felt as we waited for that train. she was thrilled to be just like her daddy who rides the train to work. she kept running out of the covered platform to see if the train was coming.

is it here yet, momma? (she'd run out into the pouring rain) nope, not yet! (thirty seconds later, she would do the same. our train was 7 minutes late so you can imagine how soaked she was:).

and then the train arrived. getting d's stroller onto the train was a little bit more difficult than i expected, so e began to get nervous. she didn't want to get onto the train before me for fear that i wouldn't make it on behind her, but she also didn't want to watch me ride off without her. she had a brief moment of panic, but thanks to some friendly fellow riders, we all made it swiftly onto the train. she skipped down the car and carefully chose her seat. she sat glued to the window, staring out, for the entire ride. her face was all smiles as she took in the sights.
a few days prior, we asked her where she wanted to go to lunch. my girl chose ed debevics. it is a tourist location where the wait staff is known to be overly rude to its patrons, in a comical way. they tease, they throw things, they demonstrate a great deal of attitude. they also wear 50's gear and are known to dance and sing.
our server kept things lively. he told e that if she didn't wear her hat, that the monster from the basement would come up and bite off her foot. she knew he was teasing and decided that she wasn't going to wear her hat. the guy came up behind her and scared her three times. he kept telling her he was going to do it until for as long as she kept her hat off. it was a riot. she'd take the hat off, he'd scare her, she'd giggle her pants off. in the end, he won and she kept her hat on.
and then he brought her their trademark, WORLD'S SMALLEST SUNDAE, and had the restaurant sing happy birthday to her. it was a blast.
and for the ride home, we rode on the second tier of the train just to keep things exciting. i think it was a success!

rest cont'd

and to say we did nothing, well that's not really accurate. but we did do a whole lotta relaxin'!

we went peach picking to a nearby orchard.


we hung out with some really good friends.

we laid on the beach. if you can believe it, right before i took this picture, i actually laid on the blanket with my hubby for almost 7 uninterrupted minutes of sunning and stillness! it was heavenly.

we caught up on a little reading. (scott resents me taking this picture because he said it made it look like he did this often. he wanted me to note that he sat doing this for approximately 5 minutes on one day. the rest of his reading took place after the girls went to bed:)
we built sand castles.

we ate lots of really yummy food... and well, others of us ate rocks:)

and had a really wonderful time together as a family!

rest

i've been resting... for 11 days. for those of you that know me, you know that i don't sit still very well for very long. i can relax for brief intervals, but then i find something to busy myself with. i get jittery. i need to DO something.

scott has had the most laborious summer of his career. he has worked long days and burned the midnight oil for many of nights. at the start of the summer, he saw this coming and wisely he suggested we go away for a last hurrah before our busy fall kicked into gear. i diligently scoured the internet for a cottage in michigan.

and so we headed to new buffalo, mi for 11 days. i didn't' intend for it to be so long, but that's how the cottage owners do it around here. i was a little nervous. 11 days? the first weekend here, i left scott at home to host his college buddies for a reunion weekend. it was wonderful. i came with my beautiful friend steph and her two sweet girls. kate is almost four and has been buds with e for the last 3 years. amanda is two weeks younger than d. it is rare to find a family that provides such perfect playmates for your little one, while also providing valuable adult connections. i adore kate and amanda. they are really amazing kids that you just fall in love with. for the 3 days they were here, i fell a little bit further in love with them and i realized how lucky i am to know them and to have them as friends for my own sweet girls. and steph, well she is an amazing woman, mother, and wife. i've learned a lot from my friendship with her. she always makes me think about things in a new way and helps me see the beauty of life with a different lens.

after they left, our friends jen and payton arrived. (do you remember my friend that bursts out in prayer and invites God into any conversation?) payton and e have been best friends since they were 5 months old. they also stayed for 3 days. it was wonderful to enjoy the sand, yummy ice cream, swinging, and e's first official slumber party with them. (e and kate tried, but they just didn't quite know how to fall asleep together. the third time was the charm. e and payton finally dozed off and made it half way through the night together.)

while jen and steph were here, i was having a blast. and because there was a change in guests, i had some things to keep myself busy. i had laundry and dishes, tidying up and preparing. but when jen pulled out of the drive i suddenly found myself feeling anxious. i began to wonder about things at home. were there any important massages awaiting me on my answering machine? urgent mail to tend to? is my garden thriving? did the neighbor remember to enjoy the ripe tomatoes? i felt a little bit isolated, cut off. i mean, i didn't even know who obama had chosen as his running mate! i hadn't really even turned on the tv and i certainly hadn't read the paper.
scott was coming later that night, so i spent my afternoon busying myself. again, i began to tidy and wash, cook and do pretty much anything to busy myself. i was having trouble being still.

scott arrived. and suddenly, i found myself still. i was enjoying the crickets more. i was content with the absence of a plan or a schedule and gave in to complete relaxation. and when my mind would wander to things at home, to our fall schedule that begins this week, to blog entries, to e's upcoming 4th birthday party, i found myself pushing it out rather than welcoming it into my mind.

and so here i am, at the end of vacation, finally surrendered to rest. and i suddenly have a new perspective on the sabbath. while i didn't abstain from using energy, cooking, lights, driving etc., i did do a whole lot of nothing. and while you're doing a whole lot of nothing, God suddenly becomes ushered into your thoughts in a refreshing new way. He becomes the center and everything else becomes secondary. i am not typically one that finds God in nature (i see Him just fine on a bustling city street, thank you), but suddenly, i found myself staring at the waves and thinking about Him. as i watched frogs, crickets, fire ants, daddy long legs, and spiders i marveled at how unique each part of creation is. as i indulged in oink's ice cream, i celebrated the taste buds purposefully placed on my tongue.

and thencomes the time to depart. and hopefully this rest has restored me. hopefully i will carry these new nature eyes into my busier version of life and hopefully, i'll find more reasons to be still.

"Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God, above politics, above everything." (Psalm 46:10 The Message Translation)

d and amanda

Kate and ellie (with stephanie and amanda in the back)

big sisters trying to contain little sisters.

one of the 11 sunny days on lake michigan.

d and her momma

a backyard appetizer picnic with payton and jen.

payton enjoying her oink's ice cream

(the buser family ate there almost every day! OINK, OINK!)

bff!